All's Fair in Love and War
by Sarah Mercury
Summary: Something's bugging Sarah but she doesn't quite know what. As par a request in a review, I am posting this bit by bit, instead of all at once. Rated for some language. Changes to the genre.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Animorphs or any of the terminology. KA Applegate is Queen in that department.

**Author's Notes:** Thank you for your patience as I post this bit by bit. I usually post a finished story all at once, but someone recommended I do otherwise, so here I am. Please review if you feel the need to do so._

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_"You can't make someone love you, all you can do is be someone who can be loved, the rest is up to the person to realize your worth." -- Unknown_

My name is Sarah. I'm a soldier. My name is Yeerkish for General. I am able to make quick decisions and get the job done efficiently. Now, I'm no longer the leader, but I can follow orders to the letter and still get the job done efficiently. So needless to say, a lot of things did not elude me.

But I will be the first to admit that I don't know everything. I can see or experience some things that I need clarification on in order to completely understand the situation. And since I grew up with Yeerks and Andalites, most of the stuff I need clarification on is what most humans would consider common knowledge.

Sometimes I wonder if my Andalite brother knows more about Earth culture than me.

An example, of course, is History. I knew nothing about this subject in school. I literally mean _nothing_. On my first day of school, I was laughed at for not knowing who the first president of America was. Then I was subsequently laughed at for not knowing _what_ America was. Every time the teacher went on about a subject, I filled my notepad within the first hour.

Luckily, my friend Jake, who sits beside me, always has extra paper handy.

"I'm not going to pass this test," I muttered, as I scribbled down more notes on the paper Jake passed over to me.

"You'll be fine," he assured. He was always doing that: making a grim situation seem like nothing. "It's not until the end of the week. You have lots of time to study."

"Maybe I should get a tutor."

He hesitated. "Yeah. Maybe."

The bell for the end of class, and the beginning of my next class, rang. I stuffed all of the paper I had scattered around my desk into my binder and got up to leave. The teacher stopped me. Another lecture, I bet.

"I couldn't help but overhear you thinking about getting a tutor," he said.

"So?"

"I know a girl who's exceptional in History. I'm sure she would tutor you."

"Why would anyone want to be exceptional in History?"

He shrugged. "Some people are fascinated by it. Her name is Lydia. She's probably in the library now. This is her spare Period. Tell her I sent you. I'll let your next teacher know that you'll be there instead of in class this one time."

I sighed and left, without replying. I said 'maybe' get a tutor. The last thing I wanted was to spend my free time studying a dry subject like History.

I already spent my free time fighting Yeerks.

Even though I started to the gym at first, I found myself in front of the library before I realized it. I sighed angrily again and walked in. I saw the librarian, but no one else was there, until I walked in further and further. Near the back, I heard talking and finally saw two people:

One was my other friend, Marco.

The other was some girl with black hair and brown eyes.

I stared for only a few moments before I finally walked up to the table. Marco smiled as he looked at me. "Hi, Sarah," he said.

"Hi," I replied. I looked at the girl, waiting for her to introduce herself to me.

She looked at me and smiled, as well. "Hi! Um, my name is Lydia."

I nodded. "You're the one good in History, right?"

She blushed and looked at her books on the table. "I'm not bad."

"My History teacher says you're exceptional and that you wouldn't mind tutoring me."

She blushed again. "Well, I wouldn't say _exceptional_…"

I growled. "Your modesty is annoying." I sat down at the table and opened my binder. My messy History notes were right on top. I attempted to organize them as I set them on the table.

"She's tutoring me, too," Marco said. He kind of grinned. Lydia grinned as well.

I frowned. "I would like to get this over with," I explained. "I don't like History."

"I'm sorry," Lydia said, softly. She picked up a few of my notes. "Well, you're a very thorough note-taker."

"But…?"

She cleared her throat. "But it isn't necessary to write down everything the teacher says." She peered at something and read, "'Find out where Europe is'. It's a continent in the east."

"Thank you," I said.

"She's, uh, not good in Geography, either," Marco explained, unnecessarily.

I rolled my eyes. "Well, let's get started then," Lydia said. She handed me a paper with notes typed on it. I read through it and noted that it was a study guide for the test next week. Throughout the rest of the Period, she walked through the sheet, and did her best to answer my questions.

To my annoyance, I noticed that Marco and Lydia laughed too much. And usually at the same time. I don't know if they were telling jokes or what. It was annoying me to the point of distraction. I had to ask them to stop several times. Lydia, being grossly polite, apologized and hushed.

But she smiled _way_ too much. And she looked at Marco _way_ too much.

I suddenly had a strong impulse to bash her head on the table.

But I didn't know why…


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes**: Here's the next bit. Thank you for your patience! Thought speech denoted by double parentheses (( ))

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After the bell rang, I got up and quickly left the library. I found Cassie at her locker and went up to her. Cassie is my friend, too. I consider her my best friend, so it was no surprise that when she saw me, she smiled and waved.

"How was your day?" she asked me.

"Just fine."

She kind of raised her eyebrow. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," I replied, slowly. "Why?"

"I don't know. You just look angry."

"I _always_ look angry," I reminded her.

She smiled. "I mean more so than usual."

I sighed. "I assure you, I'm fine."

She shrugged. "Okay. I believe you." She took her knapsack out of her locker and threw it over her shoulders. After adjusting the weight on her back, she said, "Let's go."

We walked down the hall a bit and saw Rachel coming towards us. "Hey, girls. Why weren't you in class today, Sarah?"

Cassie looked at me. I answered, "I was in the library, getting tutored in History. I was excused by my teacher."

"Oh, really? A girl named Lydia?"

My lip twitched. "Yeah."

"Marco was getting tutored by her, too. He told Jake as I walked past his locker."

"Yeah."

"He seemed quite smitten with her, if you ask me."

Twitch. "Interesting."

"So are we going to the mall or what?"

"Sure," Cassie sighed.

"Not me," I said. "I need to go home and study some more."

"You're a nerd," Rachel said.

"Thank you." I walked past them towards the doors. I could hear them following suit, but I walked much faster until I was outside first. Then I turned the first corner I could find and continued walking until I could not hear anything.

Then I found a spot far from everything, including unwanted eyes, and began to morph. It would look suspicious if a bird-of-prey suddenly flew off from the school, so I decided to morph into a Seagull instead. I didn't even wait for it to finish; as soon as I had wings and was small enough, I flew off. The rest of my body changed in the air.

I don't know why I was so angry. The day was pretty much uneventful. I figured a few hours in the forest with my favourite brother would relax me a bit. In the meantime, the warmness in the air made my flight path easier. I slowed my pace in order to enjoy the thermals more. At one point, I just kind of hovered in mid-air, circling like a vulture until I got to low in the sky, then I flapped to another thermal and did the same thing there.

((Nice thermals, huh?)) I heard a voice in my head say.

Without getting worried or distracted, I replied, ((Yeah. Now I see why you do this all the time.))

With my amazing bird eyes, I saw my other friend Tobias, the red-tailed hawk, a long ways off. He may as well have been next to me, though. ((Are you feeling okay?))

((Why do you ask?))

((Well, for one thing, you're a Seagull. I've noticed that if you're not fighting you don't usually morph unless you're upset. Secondly, you're just hanging around. You never do that.))

If a bird could smile, I would have. All the time he spends alone has given Tobias a very perceptive look on life. ((I'm fine, but thank you for your concern.))

((Are you going to see Ax?))

((Yes.))

((He's not in the forest. Jake and Marco convinced him to take a trip to the mall. I followed them for a bit, but they're probably there by now.))

((Thanks,)) I replied. I looked around for a place I could demorph and head to the mall. ((Would you like to come with me?))

((Sure. Why not?)) He landed a little ways off from where I did, but after I demorphed completely and walked out onto the street, I saw him, in human form, walking up to me.

He looked like such an awkward human. He walked like Aximili does in human morph, but he didn't fall over as often. I assumed this was the case because Tobias spent his days in his natural bird form, even though he was born a human.

"So how was your day?" Tobias asked. His face was so emotionless. It was kind of weird talking to him when he was human.

"Fine," I replied.

Knowing he wouldn't get much more out of me, he didn't ask anymore. We walked pretty much in silence until we got to the mall. There were a lot of people around, which made Tobias uncomfortable, because I know in his head he was probably trying to pull up. I grabbed his shirt sleeve and pulled him through the crowds until we finally stepped into the mall.

"Thanks," he muttered.

"Sure." I looked around. "So where do you want to go?"

"Food court," he answered. "My breakfast wasn't very sufficient."

"Ate a skinny rat or something?" He looked at me and smiled, which freaked me out completely, because it looked inappropriate in proportion to his face.

We headed to the food court and Tobias went to one of the burger stands. I followed him. I never cared for fast food, but I was kind of hungry myself. We ordered our food, which I paid for, ignoring his insistence otherwise. We looked around for an empty chair, but what I found was much worse.

Marco stood up in the middle of the court and waved us over. That wouldn't have been bad if that overly polite, black haired female named Lydia wasn't with him. Nevertheless, Tobias, completely oblivious, walked towards their table, so I had no choice but to follow.

We put our trays down, but neither Tobias nor I sat down until Marco was able to introduce Tobias to Lydia. He said, "Lydia, this is Tobias. He's a friend who doesn't go to our school."

"Hi," she replied, smiling. Tobias looked at me leeringly.

Marco also added, "Tobias is Sarah's nephew."

I rolled my eyes and growled. I hated thinking of Tobias as my nephew. He was my older brother's son, yes, but he was older than me and it seemed weird.

And no, him being a bird didn't bother me.

"Marco," Tobias warned.

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Lydia added. She didn't seem to mind, so Tobias just sighed and finally sat down. I sat down as well.

"What brings you to the mall?" Marco asked.

"Just thought we'd cruise around," I replied. Lydia smiled at me. I frowned.

"Jake and A- er, Philip are coming. They went to the Cinnabon."

Tobias looked at me and we shared a small chuckle. Philip was what my friends called Aximili when he was human. And, of course, my brother's favourite human food was cinnamon buns.

Lydia asked, "And Philip is your brother, right?"

I never told her this. I glared at Marco, who looked away guiltily. I sighed. "Yes, he is. But if Marco tells you anything else of my personal life, I will rip out his tongue."

Lydia stopped smiling. Good. I hated her smile. I hated the way she looked, too. I hated _her_ so much, and yet I could not, for the life of me, figure out why.

I saw Jake and Aximili come up to the table. Tobias and I shifted around to make room for them. My brother was eying eagerly the giant cinnamon bun Jake set down on the table. "Hi, guys," Jake said, as he wrestled a piece of bun away from Aximili. "I figure this is all of it I'm gonna get." He grinned. Tobias grinned.

That was fine. I looked at them no differently than before. But once Lydia grinned, all I wanted to do was punch her, because when she smiled, Marco smiled, and they'd look at each other and smile more. It was making me sick.

Tobias took a big bite out of his burger and then asked, with his mouth full, "So are you two, uh, well, you know…?"

"Together?" Lydia offered, cheeks flaming red.

Tobias shrugged.

Marco looked away again. Lydia just looked at her food. "Uh, well, we _have_ been seeing each other for a while…"

I choked. I coughed, but couldn't dislodge whatever was there until Tobias gave me a very hard _WHACK_ on my back. I coughed up a small bit of burger onto my tray. It didn't matter; I had lost my appetite anyway.

"Are you okay?"

"How long a while?" I asked, ignoring the concern.

"A few weeks, maybe. We have History together. And last semester we had Math together."

"Stop saying that word," I muttered.

"What? Together?"

"Stop saying that!" I stood up. Marco still wasn't looking at the table.

I saw why a few moments later. Cassie and Rachel walked up to us. Cassie smiled, as usual, but Rachel gave me a glare. "I thought you said that you were doing homework?" she demanded.

I replied, "I saw Tobias and asked if he wanted to go to the mall instead. He said sure." Tobias looked up at Rachel that I knew was with innocence, though his hawk-like glare didn't show it well.

Rachel looked at Lydia. "You're that Lydia chick, right?"

She smiled. "Yes."

"Are you and Marco some kind of couple?"

The two of them blushed and looked away again. Lydia made no response because at that moment we heard a _BANG_. After feeling a pain in my foot, I realized I had just kicked the table.

I went over to Cassie and said, "Let's go to the bathroom," but didn't wait for her to reply. I just grabbed her arm and pulled her with me.

"Uh, we'll be back!" she called. Rachel nodded back, but that was all I saw of the group, as I half-dragged Cassie around tables to the bathroom. I finally let her go in order to open the door.

When I walked in, the very first thing I did was give a stall door the swiftest kick I could muster up.

_BANG_!

When it didn't satisfy my rage, I did it again.

_BANG_!

_BANG_!

_CRASH_!

Finally, I kicked it off its hinges, and that seemed to work. I took a deep breath and went to the sink to splash water on my face.

Cassie, who had witnessed all of this and neither walked away nor tried to stop me, finally asked, "Are you okay?"

"No," I muttered.

"Why not?"

I sighed and shrugged. "I don't know. I _really_ don't know."

We stood around for a while. "Would you like me to get Rachel? And then the three of us can just wander the mall?"

I shook my head. "No. This time, I just want to go home."

"Okay. I understand."

I raised an eyebrow. "Do you really?"

"No." She smiled. "It just seemed like the right thing to say."

That made me feel better. I grinned. "I'll see you at school tomorrow."

"Sure. Just don't kick any more doors, okay?"

"Sure."


	3. Chapter 3

_I don't know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every other part of my body is broken too. -- Missy Altijd_

I did eventually go home. And I stayed in my room the rest of the day studying math, science and anything other than History. Every time I opened my History book, I saw Lydia smiling at me, which made me toss the book aside.

Cassie even called me later that night. I had papers strewed all over my room and my History book was mangled and discarded in some corner somewhere. I barely got to the phone because I almost tripped on everything. I don't ever remember being so messy.

"Hi, Sarah," Cassie said, when I answered the phone.

"Hi."

There was a pause. It was always risky talking over the phone, in case they were tapped. But my phone was always tapped, because I live in the Hole, and they wanted to make sure we weren't making drug deals.

"So are you feeling any better?"

I grunted. I lay down on my bed, with my arm over my eyes, while the phone cord messed up more papers, and knocked things off my dresser.

Cassie continued, "Well, do you want to come over after school tomorrow?"

That was code for 'meeting'. I said, "Why didn't you just ask me this in school tomorrow?" In other words, 'Why are you bothering me now?'

She said, "I'm worried about you, is all."

So this wasn't just a business call. I sighed. "I'm fine. I will always tell you that I'm fine, so stop worrying about me."

"I can't help it. I'm your friend."

I smiled. "Is that all?"

"Yes." She didn't say goodbye.

"What do you want?"

"I know it's kind of late, but do you want to hang out now?"

I raised my eyebrow, which she couldn't see. "Why?"

I almost could see her shrug. "Just because."

"No. I just want to stay in. I'll see you tomorrow."

She sighed. "Fine, 'bye then." And she finally hung up.

I stretched across my bed to hang up the receiver and lay back down to sleep. Unfortunately, I didn't actually fall asleep until several hours later, and by that time, it was time to get up for school.

I was already cranky when I sat down for breakfast. The other kids in the Hole know enough to leave me alone, so when they saw me, they just moved on. The old lady made me waffles, which I ate in silence. I think she knew something was up because I normally thank her before leaving, but this time I didn't. She didn't press me for information, which I was grateful for.

I walked to school and made it just in time for the first bell to ring. Kids were running around, getting to class, and thereby blocking my path to my locker. I had to push some of the smaller ones aside so I could get to it. By the time I popped it open, the hall was silent.

I rummaged around and only just realized that my science homework was still at home, among the stream of papers cluttered on my floor. "Dammit!" I hissed, throwing a book on the bottom of my locker. I also realized that my math and History homework was at home, too. "Dammit!" I groaned, louder. I could afford one bad mark in science and math, but I was already failing History. Not having my homework today is going to kill me worse than that stupid test at the end of the week.

"Um?" I heard a very timid, humble voice from behind me utter. I had to seriously fight my urge _not_ to turn around and punch the creature standing there.

For the voice belonged to a black haired, brown eyed female. I groaned very noticeably. "Yes?"

Lydia continued, "May I ask you a question?"

I turned around, slowly, and replied, "If you must."

She didn't look me in the eyes. "Do you, um, hate me?"

_Yes, I hate you, you little bitch! I want to drown you in the Yeerk Pool. I want to rip your eyeballs out. I want to_-

"Of course not," I replied. "What gave you that idea?"

She looked at me. "Well, yesterday after you went to the bathroom, you just left. Cassie said that you had a lot of homework to do, and then she and Rachel left. And also, um, whenever you look at me, you look like you're about ready to attack me."

She sort of smirked. I tried to as well, but failed miserably. "I look at everyone like that."

"You don't look at Cassie like that."

"Cassie's my friend."

"And I'm not." She looked sort of disheartened, but I didn't care.

"I barely know you," I said carefully.

"You were friends with Cassie after a day!"

I narrowed my brow. "It was after _two_ days, and who told you that?"

She realized she said the wrong thing and shook her head. "What I mean is that we could be friends, too, you know!"

"Why would I want to be friends with you?"

She shrugged. "Marco speaks very highly of you."

My heart started pounding. "He talks too much about me, I think."

She ignored my subtle hint and added, "He says that you're a really good friend and that we'd get along great."

I frowned deeper. "A really good friend?" I repeated.

"Yeah! And I thought -"

"I'm late for class." I smashed my locker closed and headed down the hallway. To my great annoyance, Lydia followed.

"Are we still going to be studying History at lunch?"

"I have no choice. I have a test at the end of the week."

"Okay. I'll see you -"

I didn't hear the end of that sentence, because when I reached my classroom, I closed the door in her face. To which my teacher gave me a dirty look, which I ignored as I sat down next to Cassie.

"Why are you late?" my teacher asked.

"I was discussing History with my tutor," I replied, blandly.

"Discuss History when you're not supposed to be in my class."

"Fine."

I did not speak for the rest of the class…

* * *

Cassie walked with me out of the classroom. She kept trying to make small talk. "I think the teacher was more upset that you didn't have your homework done."

"It _is_ done. It's just at home."

"Oh. Well, don't worry. At least you can afford a bad grade. If I get another one, my parents will be called. That won't be good." She smiled at me, but I did not return it.

I went to my locker and stuff everything into it. Then I remembered I had math class before lunch, so I took everything out again, got my math notes, minus the homework, and re-stuffed it all back in. I had to work the door to close it.

"Since when were you this disorganized?" Cassie asked.

"I don't know." I finally closed the locker. "There. At least it all fits."

We both grinned at that. Cassie, upon seeing me smile finally, patted my shoulder in a reassuring way "I'll walk you to your math class, if you like."

"Of course I'd like that."

We walked in silence. I was grateful that Cassie was there, nonetheless. Suddenly, out of the blue, I asked, "Cassie, do you think I'm a good friend?" I didn't realize I was even thinking it, much less asking it.

She looked at me like I had morphed something with two heads. "Duh! Why do you think I hang out with you and enjoy your company so much?" I shrugged. She narrowed her eyes. "Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. Just something I was thinking."

She still looked at me confusingly, but didn't add anything to it.

We turned a corner and saw Jake. I hoped he didn't want to talk. Otherwise I'd be late for math, too. But when he saw us, the first thing he did was say, "Hi, Sarah, do you want to talk?"

He seemed rushed. "No, Jake, I'm going to be late for class."

He looked over his shoulder and then back at me. "Well, we could just, you know, stand here for a minute. Or two. Hi, Cassie."

"Hi, Jake. How are you?"

"Good. Good."

"Yeah, okay," I said. "I'm going to class now."

I started to walk passed Jake, but he grabbed my wrist and said, "Please just stay here for a minute. Or two."

"Why? Is there a reason why I should be late for math, too?"

"Too? Were you late for something else?"

He let go of my wrist. "Yeah, science. I was at my locker -" I stopped. Getting me to talk was what Jake wanted me to do. "Why don't you want me to go to math class?"

"I _do_ want you to go! I just haven't seen you since, well, yesterday and thought I'd ask you about your day or whatever."

I raised my eyebrow. "Oh, kay," I said slowly. "I'll see you later, guys."

"Sarah," Jake said, insistently, but I ignored him. I walked around the final corner to where my math class was and then stopped dead in my tracks. I didn't remember Jake coming up to me and putting his hand on my shoulder, but if he hadn't done that, I would have fallen over.

I was roughly six steps away from the door to my class. About half a step away from the door was Marco and the Demon from Hell. And they were standing very close. I mean, _very_ close. As in, any closer and they would be on top of each other. He had his hand on the back of her head and they were making out.

In front of me.

Didn't they care?

Cassie came up to me. "Um, Sarah?"

I barely heard her. I couldn't pull my eyes away. I couldn't move. I vaguely felt Jake trying to tug me away, but I couldn't move.

There was only one other time when I felt this much anger, and that was on the first day of incarceration when Elfangor saved me from Visser Three. When I was locked up on that first day, I had so much bottled up rage that I was always shocked at how I never tore myself apart with it.

And in one very antagonizing minute, I felt all of that rage swell up inside of me. I wanted to cry. I wanted to yell. I wanted to hit something.

The latter came true first. Jake just barely got out of the way in time to be missed by my fist, which connected with the wall. I saw a huge dent, but felt no pain. I saw my blood on my knuckles and some blood in the dent I left, but still felt no pain. My eyes went blurry.

Cassie said my name softly and only then did I feel the pain. I cupped my hand in my other hand and cried. "Ow," I whimpered.

"Are you okay?" Lydia asked me. I turned to look at her and my blurry vision suddenly went red. I growled.

Jake stepped in just in time. "Yeah, she just forgot her math homework and realized she'd get her first bad mark in this class." He grabbed my arm roughly. "I'll walk her to the nurse's office. Cassie, can you tell the teacher I'll be late?"

He was being surprisingly calm. I saw Cassie nod and leave. Jake yanked me down the hall. My feet only moved because if I didn't, by the way Jake was pulling, I would have fallen over.

The hallway was red. What little people there were in the hall were red. Jake was red, too, but looking at him made some colours come back. "Let me kill her," I muttered.

"You're being really mature!" he said, sarcastically, not releasing his grip or slowing down. "I always thought of you being one of the smartest, most grown up people I have ever met, but that was just childish!"

I growled at him. "You tell me that after you see Cassie making out with someone other than you!"

Jake stopped. I turned back to my math class, but Jake hardened his grip on my arm to stop me. I looked at him. He still looked surprisingly calm. "And if that ever does happen, and I hope that it doesn't, I expect you to keep as cool a head as mine right now and do the same for me!"

It was an order. I recognized orders. I nodded and he continued to drag me to the nurse's office. I didn't fight, and when he realized I wouldn't walk away, he left go of my arm. My vision returned and I saw colours normally again.

By the time I walked into the nurse's office, and after Jake explained to her my bloody hand, I had completely calmed down. He left for class and I stayed in the office for the remainder of my math class…


	4. Chapter 4

Finally, a new chapter! I want to thank **Mrowrkat98**, **SouthernBelle**, **critic**, **AniWitch666**, and **SweetPinkDragon** for reviewing and most importantly, for waiting so patiently for another chapter! It was a long time coming! A lot of personal problems led to major writer's block. I hope to have another chapter soon, so enjoy for now!

PS: This chapter, near the end, has some very bad profanity, so keep that in mind.

_

* * *

Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry. -- Unknown_

When the bell rang for lunch, I did not go to the café, or to the library. Instead, I marched straight out of the school, ignoring the concern from Jake and Cassie, who had come by to see me. When I got outside, I didn't morph; I just walked. There was a meeting at Cassie's house, which was on the fringe of town, so instead of bussing it, I just decided to walk there.

I was still early when I got there, as there was no one in the barn. I didn't want to knock on her house door, in case her parents asked too many questions about why I wasn't in school. So I walked into the forest behind her barn and sat next to a tree close by. I was disappointed in the fact that it was a quiet day in the forest; it made it too easy to hear my own thoughts, which I wanted to ignore.

I was just about to consider going home when Tobias fluttered to the tree I was leaning against. ((You're _really_ early,)) he pointed out. ((The others are still ten minutes away.))

"I skipped my last two classes," I answered, "and lunch as well."

There was a brief silence. I almost expected him to lecture me. But then he just said, ((Okay,)) and left it at that. Thank goodness he wasn't judgemental.

True to his hypothesis, not ten minutes later, I heard voices approach the barn. Tobias said, ((Let them know I'm coming; I have to get Ax.))

I nodded as he flew off and stood up. When I left the forest and came into view of the barn, all four of the others were standing there. Rachel said, "Whoa, where'd you come from?"

"A better question would be why you weren't in class today," Marco demanded. "You didn't even come to the library."

"I don't need to be lectured by you!" I snapped. It took everyone aback, because I don't normally snap at him. But I didn't care. "Could we just get this meeting over with?"

"Yeah," Jake agreed, but not before giving me a sour look.

As I walked passed him to the barn, I muttered, "I don't need to be lectured by you, either."

"Whatever," he replied.

The moment Rachel set foot in the barn, she looked up at the rafters. Since Tobias was not there, she asked, "Where's Tobias?"

I answered, "He said he was getting Aximili. They should be here soon." Then I added, "It must be an important meeting to risk my brother in your barn."

"Yeah, and if you stuck around at the mall yesterday, you'd know why," Marco muttered.

I was about to retort something snide, but Jake, ever the leader, cut in quickly, "We'll fill you in on what's up before they get here."

"Let me assume that it has something to do with the Yeerks, and the last thing Rachel said was 'Let's do it'."

"That sounds right," Rachel laughed.

"More specifically," Jake continued, "there's a major deal in the works involving a new Kandrona. They're going to use it to build another Yeerk pool on the other end of town. Eventually, they plan on combining the two Yeerk pools, stretching them into almost every other city bordering ours."

"That's a lot of new hosts," I said.

Jake nodded. "They've been planning this for a while. Apparently, it's not easy to get a hold of Kandronas; especially on a planet very far away from the home world. What they did in the meantime was create the housing for it. All they have to do now is move the Kandrona from point A to point B."

"Where is the housing for it going to be?"

"In the control room of that small sports arena near the beach," Cassie answered. "The new Yeerk pool will be right under that, as well. They haven't started building that, however. They want the Kandrona first."

"And I take it Erek was the one who told you about this?"

"Yeah. He only just found out about it, too."

"After they transferred him to help finish the construction," Jake finished.

Erek was an android posing as an infested Yeerk so he could provide us with information about their plans. I didn't always appreciate Erek as much as I should, because I believed he always told us common knowledge information. Everyone else had great respect for him, however, so I kept my mouth shut this time.

"When is the Kandrona coming?" I asked.

"That's what we're going to discuss when Tobias and Ax get here."

"I just hope we're not doing this on Saturday," Marco said.

I looked at him. "Why?"

"Lydia and I have a date."

I wished I hadn't asked. My frown deepened.

"She's coming over and we're gonna watch _Tomb Raider_," he added. He was already standing next to Jake, but he leaned closer to him, like he was telling him a secret, but said loud enough for all of us to hear, "She's just like Lara Croft, you know."

I felt Cassie, who was standing next to me, grab my hand and squeezed, which was enough to keep me from growling angrily. Lara Croft was his nickname for _me_! I said, surprisingly calm, "Why wouldn't she be like _Xena: Warrior Princess_?"

He laughed a bit. "Because only Rachel and Lucy Lawless can be Xena."

This time I did growl. But apparently, _anyone_ can be Lara Croft.

At that moment, a flutter of wings overhead told us that Tobias was here. ((Sorry for being so late, guys,)) he said. ((It took a while to find Ax.))

My brother sort of lumbered into the barn shortly thereafter, in human morph. Rachel was closest to the door, so she helped him in and steadied him on his human legs. He gave an awkward smile to the group. "Hello," he greeted. He could have easily spoken to us in his native thought-speech, but he enjoyed the human way of speaking too much. Sometimes he would get annoying with it.

((I take it Sarah's all caught up?)) Tobias asked. I nodded. ((So what's the plan then?))

"Rachel morphs into an elephant, under the cover of darkness, and I'll come in shortly behind her -" I stopped. I thought I was thinking this, not saying it.

There was a short silence before Rachel piped up, "Wow, I'm liking this. What happens next?"

"Never mind," I said quickly.

There was another short silence before Jake said, "Oh, kay. Anyway, now that we're all here; the Kandrona is being delivered on Sunday." Marco sighed and grinned. I frowned. "We obviously need to destroy it, but there's something else we need as well."

"Destroy the sports arena!" Rachel predictably said.

"We're not destroying a building, no matter how much you hate sports," Jake said. Everyone but Aximili and I laughed. "No, the thing even more important than the Kandrona is the person in charge of the whole project."

"Why is some Yeerk important?" I asked.

"It's a sub-Visser. Not important enough for serious recognition in the Empire, but important enough to provide us with imperative Yeerk information once freed."

Everyone in the barn kind of stared at Jake. Usually, he only talks about freeing one person from slavery: his brother, Tom. The fact that he wanted us to risk life and limb for some unknown sub-Visser meant that this Yeerk was very important indeed.

Acutely aware of everyone's confusion, Jake elaborated. "Erek told me in private that this Yeerk is in charge of various other projects in the Empire that are so top secret that only sub-Vissers and higher are privy to."

"Then how does he know they're top secret?" I asked, unimpressed.

Marco sighed. "Because he does. Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Try to discredit Erek. If it weren't for him, we'd be screwed."

"Why are _you_ suddenly on my case about it? You never cared before."

"Guys, please," Jake said, sternly.

I ignored him. "Is your _girlfriend_ trying to make you hate me or something?"

"What's your problem with her?" he demanded rudely. "Ever since you met her, you've been hostile towards her."

"I am that way with everyone!"

"That's true," Rachel muttered.

She was ignored as well. The whole barn disappeared except for Marco and I. "She has been jumping through hoops just to get you to like her."

"I don't want to like her. _I _choose my friends, not the other way around."

"You have a lot of nerve saying that when you wouldn't even be here if it weren't for Cassie choosing you for her friend."

"Would you two shut up, please?!" Jake practically yelled.

We ignored him. "Don't bring Cassie into this," I warned. "This is between you and me."

"And Lydia. We're a couple now. Get used to it."

I almost attacked him. Cassie yanked my arm back so I wouldn't charge him. Jake stepped in between us and with a very sinister voice, snarled, "I swear to God, if you two don't stop _right now_, I will morph into something that will _shut you up_!" He snapped around to face Marco and said, "You're my best friend, but if it keeps you from doing something stupid, I _will_ do it!"

I was used to sinister threats. I grew up with Visser Three, after all. So even though it shocked me that Jake could sound or look like that, I wasn't phased for the most part. Because of that, I managed to say, with a vain attempt to keep my voice from cracking, "What does Lydia have that I don't? Other than History, I'm smarter than her. I'm stronger than her. I'm not as naïve as her. You and I have been through more together than you and her. What is so special about _her_?!"

And with just much conviction, the reply was, "When I talk to her, she doesn't bring up Yeerks or Andalites or the war or morphing or dying. She talks about what she saw on TV last night, or how hard the geography test was, or what her best friend is going to say when the cute quarterback asks her out. She talks about _normal_ human things. I feel _normal_ when I'm with her! I don't have to worry about whether or not I'll see another sunrise when I'm with her!"

"Well I'm so fucking sorry that Visser Three kidnapped me as a baby and tortured me into what I am today. I'm sorry if what I consider normal makes you feel bad. I _wish_ I had a _normal_ childhood like you, but lucky me, I was raised by aliens, adopted by aliens and continue to fight aliens. Thinking Lydia is better than me just because she doesn't know any better is a really fucking bad reason to like her more than me!"

No matter how much Cassie yanked, she could not hold me back from storming out of the barn. I made sure that I rammed my shoulder into Marco's side before I left. I could vaguely hear Jake yelling at him, telling him that he should have calmed down like he ordered.

I couldn't see where I was going because my tears were blurring my vision too much. Eventually, I found myself in the forest, although I don't know how far I got. After a while, I found a tree to lean against and cried. I was practically wailing with grief. The only other time I felt that horrible was when I was weeping over the spot where Elfangor was murdered.

Does this mean I'm going to go back to the cold, emotionless human I was before I met the Animorphs?


	5. Chapter 5

Next chapter. I cried when I wrote this, so I hope it touches you somewhat in the process.

PS: Sarah thanks AniWitch666 for the hug.

* * *

"_When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place_." -- _Unknown_

I hate this feeling.

_Feeling? I don't 'feel'. I just do._

This feeling of pain.

_Pain is for weaklings._

This feeling of loneliness.

_I don't need anyone._

This feeling of sorrow; anguish.

_"I can help you if you want. Provide a shoulder to cry on?"_

_"I don't need to cry…"_

I don't need to cry, Cassie. And I don't need a friend. Rain is comforting, and it is pouring right now. No lightning yet, but it will come. It was raining so bad that my clothes were sopping wet. After I finished crying in the forest, I decided to walk home. It started raining by the time I reached the highway. I should have taken the bus, but rain was comforting. It seemed to wash away my needless emotions.

Emotions… I have no emotions. They get in the way of everything. Emotions eventually bring pain, and pain is for weaklings. I am not weak. I am strong. I am stronger than Lydia. So why do you like her more than me?

I stopped walking and screamed until my throat was sore. When I stopped thinking about her and Marco, I continued my hike. A few concerned humans pulled over with their cars and offered me rides, but I blatantly ignored them. When I finally got into town, I worried that one of those humans would call the police on me. It would be just like it was that first day; a cop bringing me to the Hole, in the pouring rain. Just before I met them. Before I met _him_.

I screamed again. I refused myself to cry. Tears are for the weak. I got to where I am today by _not_ showing emotions. Emotions lead to pain. Pain is for weaklings. But I couldn't help it. Every thought eventually went back to him. Everything reminded me of him. Everything about him reminded me of a certain emotion. Happiness, sorrow, worry, fear… All of those emotions eventually led me to the same place: pain, anguish, loneliness.

I hate feeling like this. Everything was a lot simpler when I worked for the Yeerks. There were no emotions then. No pain. My mother told me about these emotions. She told me that when I find someone special, they will evoke feelings that I never had before. She warned that they may lead me in the wrong direction, but it will be good in the end.

She was wrong. There was no good. Only pain. Well, never again.

Never again.

I turned down a street that took me in the opposite direction from the Hole. It was still pouring out. But that was good. It washed my pain away. It washed my emotions. Now all I felt was indifference. Any action I took would be neither good nor bad. I stepped on a snail as I walked, but I did not look down, nor did I pause. It could have been someone in morph, but I did not care.

I walked into a fairly rich-looking neighbourhood. No one was outside. No one else but I liked the rain. I walked down the street until I came upon a specific house, with a backyard, a garage and a second floor. Some lights were on. The drapes were drawn in a window that looked to be leading to a kitchen. There were curtains over the second floor window. It had pink hearts on it. That was most likely a bedroom.

I walked up to the front door and knocked loudly on it. I did not worry what they would think of me, standing on their doorstep, sopping wet. I did not care if they called the police, thinking me some kind of psychopath. I was indifferent to their feelings or emotions. Emotions lead to pain, and pain is for weaklings.

I knocked again and heard shuffling just behind the door. A thunderclap crashed, so I could not make out what the gruff man on the other side was muttering. But as soon as he opened the door, I said, "I wish to join The Sharing," before Assistant-Principal Chapman even knew who was on his doorstep.

His bald head was very good at repelling water, I noticed. He blinked at me a few times and said, softly, "Sarah, don't you think we should discuss this at school?"

"You said I could always come to you; you did not mention a specific time or place. I would like to discuss it now."

He sighed. He opened the door a little wider and said, "Well, at least come inside. You're soaking."

I nodded and walked passed him into his house. I noticed that it was warmer inside than outside. It was also brighter. I was standing near the door, but I could see into the living room. There was a television, but it was not on. A woman was sitting in a rocking chair, reading something. She lowered her book to peer at me confusingly.

Chapman walked passed the living room into his kitchen and rummaged through some cupboards before saying, "Sarah, come in here. I'll make you some hot chocolate."

The woman on the chair looked into the kitchen with a raised eyebrow. Chapman looked back at her and made a shadow of a shrug. I did not want to drink hot chocolate. I did not feel like-

No, I did not _feel_. Feelings led to pain.

I wiped my feet instinctively on his Welcome mat before venturing into the kitchen. Chapman instructed me to sit down on one of the chairs at the table. I obeyed. I understood orders and obedience. Following orders was simple. I liked simplicity.

He opened a package of some kind and poured its brownish contents into a coffee mug. Then he filled the mug with hot water and stirred the contents with a spoon until he was satisfied with the mixture. He put the mug in front of me and sat down at the chair opposite of me.

I did not touch it. I was aware of the fact that I was dripping on his floor, but I did not care. I probably looked like a drowned rat, but I did not care. Chapman said, "Drink the hot chocolate. You'll feel better."

I did not feel. I was slightly uncomfortable from the rain, but I did not _feel_ anything, much less anything I needed to feel better from. I still refrained from touching the mug, and instead stared intently at Chapman.

My stare must have made him uncomfortable, because he cleared his throat and looked away. The woman in the chair, at that point, entered the kitchen with a few towels and draped one over my shoulders and the other across my lap. She nudged the mug closer to me and insisted I drink out of it.

I understood orders. I obeyed. The warmness of the flavoured water made my throat less hoarse. I vaguely remember screaming earlier. At what, I could not remember. When I finished drinking the contents, Chapman asked, softly, "So why do you suddenly want to join The Sharing?"

I replied, simply, "I no longer wish to _feel_ anything."

He and the woman beside me chuckled a bit. Chapman said, "The Sharing is a group where people are encouraged to feel things. Friendship, happiness, a sense of bel -"

"I don't want to feel _any_ of those things!" I shouted. Chapman jumped a bit and the woman backed off slightly. A little more quietly, I added, "Never again. Never again. Those feelings, those emotions, lead to pain. Pain is for weaklings. Never again."

Chapman sort of analyzed me and whispered, "What happened to you?"

I ignored the question. "I want to go back to the way things _used_ to be; before I had emotions. Where I would be given an order and I would obey it. As simple as that."

"The way things used to be?" Chapman repeated. He looked up at the woman who just shrugged. He looked back at me and asked, "What are you talking about?"

"I want to join The Sharing because I want to rejoin the Yeerk Empire."

The woman beside me tensed. Chapman's eyes turned instantly from caring old man to sinister, high-ranking Yeerk. He straightened in his chair as well and stared at me as intensely as I was to him. "_Re_join?" he repeated, more stern now than soft.

I nodded. "I used to be Visser Three's right hand. Perfect aim with a Dracon Beam."

A hesitation. Then Chapman laughed sarcastically. "_You're_ the Drakkar?"

Drakkar is a Yeerkish slang term for 'traitor'. They called me that after I defected to the Andalites. I nodded again, which made Chapman laugh harder. "Why is that funny?"

"Of all the people I expected that to be, you were not one of them!"

His sarcasm made me angry, until I remembered I did not _feel_ anger. I said, "Believe it or not, it's true. Now will you let me rejoin the Yeerks?"

"Just because you don't want to feel emotions?"

"That's correct."

He snickered. "What kind of human female are you? Most girls, if they were upset, would eat ice cream and cry over at a friend's house."

I sneered. "I don't like ice cream. And I no longer have friends."

"Not even Cassie?" he asked, smirking. "What did she ever do to you to deserve her eventual infestation?"

I blinked. "What?"

"You know if you become a Yeerk, we'll get all your friends. Cassie, Rachel, Tobias, Jake, your brother and Marco -"

"I no longer care about what happens to _him_!"

"Yes you do."

"No, I -"

"If you didn't, you would not be dreaming of me trying to convince you otherwise."

"I'm not dreaming!"

"Sure you are. You wouldn't really come to my house and offer yourself to the Yeerks. You could never do that to your friends. No matter how much they may have hurt you. You're not like that. Not anymore."

"I don't want to feel anything anymore! Every time I do, something horrible happens. My brother died, Marco likes someone other than me… Someday, one of my friends will be killed because I _felt_ something!"

"Don't you think they feel that way, too? Do you know what Cassie feels every time she wakes up from an intense dream? She doesn't want to get too close to Jake because she's afraid she'll lose him. She doesn't want to deny a trip to the mall with Rachel in case she never gets the chance again, even if she doesn't want to go. Have you ever heard her cry and beg to take her before them? I have. I've also heard her mutter to herself how much she wished she were like you; confident, emotionless: like the whole universe didn't faze you no matter what happens."

"How could you have -?"

"Do you know how she felt after you ran out of the barn? You were her pillar of strength. Every time she felt weak, she'd look to you and feel strong. But after you ran off, crying because some _boy_ made you feel bad, she went home and started questioning things she always felt absolute about because of you. I was very close to reaching out to her, to try to comfort her, until I realized that it was not her that needed my help."

"I don't need help from you, Chapman."

"If you feel bad, talk to Cassie. If you feel good, talk to Cassie. If you feel _anything_, talk to Cassie. Talk to her before you run off to my house asking to rejoin the Yeerks. You never know; she may help you feel nothing far better than we could."

"I don't feel _anything_!" I shouted. As soon as I said 'anything', I opened my eyes and saw the ceiling to my room in the Hole. I sat up on my bed, drenched only in a cold sweat and looked around. It was my room. There were still papers strewn all over the place. The alarm clock on my nightstand was glowing 4am. The dream I had was so intense, so real, that I can't remember what my last conscious thought was before waking up.

I practically jumped out of bed, knocking over pillows and blankets all over my already messy room and grabbed my phone. I didn't care that it was four in the morning. I dialled the phone and waited. I sat on my bed and waited as more rings went through unanswered. I felt my eyes blur as more rings went through.

Finally, after the seventh or eighth ring, someone picked up. A very tired and cranky sounding woman demanding, "Hello?!"

"Is Cassie alright?" I asked, voice cracking.

A silence. "Who is this?"

"Sarah. Is Cassie alright?"

"Do you realize it's four in the -"

"Is Cassie alright?!"

"Yes! She's fine! She's sleeping! We all _were_ until you called!"

"Are you sure? Can you check?"

I think it was the hurried, scared sound in my voice that made her mother agree to go check. I waited impatiently as her mother crept to Cassie's room and quietly opened the door. "Yes, she's fine," she whispered. "She's sleeping."

"Can I talk to her?"

"She's sleeping, Sarah. Can't it wait?"

"Please?"

I heard her sigh angrily, but she said, "Alright. But make it quick."

"Thank you." I heard her softly wake up Cassie. She informed her that there was an emergency call from a friend and to keep it short because it's four in the morning.

When the phone was passed, Cassie asked, sleepily, "Hello?"

"No matter what was happening in my life, I would never defect to the Yeerks on you or Aximili or Jake or -"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Cassie hissed. It was against the rules to talk about the Yeerks over the phone because phones in the Hole were tapped. It certainly woke her up, though. "What's going on?"

"I didn't know how much you looked up to me," I said. I started to cry. "I don't want to _feel_ anymore. Every time I do, something painful happens."

I knew Cassie was trying hard not to laugh, because she let slip a snort. "Wow, you really are human after all."

"Are you mocking me?"

"No! I'm trying to make light of the situation. Friends do that." She paused. "I should have realized how much it was bothering you. I knew you were upset, but I never knew to the exact degree."

"Neither did I," I admitted. "I thought I could ignore it."

She paused again. "So what do you _really_ want to do?"

"I don't want to defect. I can't believe I'd even consider that."

"There were times I thought that, too," she whispered. That shocked me too much to reply. She added, "Don't tell the others that. They'll just worry."

"I promise." I thought. "You know what I want to do for real?"

"What?"

"I want Rachel to morph into an elephant and knock down Lydia's front door so I can strangle her."

Cassie laughed. For the first time in a long time, I felt myself smiling, too. She calmed down enough to ask, "You know that Heather girl at school? The one in my Arts class? She has a crush on Jake. Every time I see her I want to smash her head into a wall."

I found myself snickering. It felt good, talking to Cassie. It _felt_ good. "Why didn't you?" I asked.

"Well, I've never been the violent type. I fight only when I have to. But more importantly, every time I get that urge, I just think 'What would Sarah do?', because you wouldn't hit someone needlessly. You would hit an inanimate object, like a wall, but never a person."

I heard her smile. I found that she was right. I think of myself as angry and violent, but I've never hit someone unless it was in self-defence, or if they truly deserved it, like that time I punched Billy for calling Cassie a freak.

Then the conversation turned. We ended up talking about miniscule things, like animals, The Gardens, what happened in the Soap Opera she watches. All the things that Marco deemed normal that I never thought I could talk about. Talking to Cassie really did make things better. And it was close to six in the morning before we finally decided to hang up the phone, to which Cassie mentioned much later that her mother was furious about. She was obviously banned from very early phone calls from that point on.

The last thing she said before she hung up was, "No matter what happens, we'll at least be friends, okay?"

I laughed and agreed. After I hung up, I found that I could not sleep, so I spent the rest of the time before leaving for school finally cleaning my room and organizing my homework…


	6. Chapter 6

**Note**: The 'f' word is used once. Take heed.

* * *

I was in a fairly decent mood when I sat down for breakfast. I remembered to thank the old lady this time before leaving for school. Last night's rain made the morning brighter, for some reason. The trees still had droplets of dew on their leaves. Some would drop on my head as I passed under them. I didn't bother walking around the puddles I came across, which made my shoes and socks wet.

I was in a little bit of a better mood when I passed by the bus stop and noticed Cassie standing there, waving at me. I smiled as I walked over to her. The first thing she did, much to my annoyance, was give me a hug. After almost squeezing out my breakfast, she looked me in the eye and asked, "Feeling better?"

"Right up until you squished me, yes," I answered. She chuckled a bit.

"Let's go to the park," she suggested. "We can talk."

"Don't we have school?"

"So what? Come on." She grabbed my wrist and pulled me until I was walking voluntarily. I've never known Cassie to wilfully skip school. Her concern for me being above her concern for education made me feel better still.

On the way to the park, we ended up talking anyway. I told her about my dream; the intensity of it making it too real to be _just_ a dream. When I told her what Chapman said to me, she got a sort of knowing look in her eyes and suggested, "Maybe the Ellimist was doing you a favour?"

I scoffed. "All the stories my brothers have told me over the years about that entity have taught me that he does _not_ do favours for mortals. At least, not without some kind of price."

"Well, you said that you don't remember hat happened after you left the forest. Maybe you _were_ about to go to Chapman's house, and he stopped you. We tend to think he's more in favour with us than the Yeerks."

I shrugged. I didn't know. I didn't really care, either. As long as it truly was _just_ a dream, I would eventually rub it off anyway. When we reached the park, Cassie pointed to the jungle gym and asked, "Have you ever been on that?"

"No," I answered.

She ran up to it and I followed, walking. She took off her knapsack and reached up to one of the bars. "I used to be able to go across this whole thing without falling. I think I can still do it."

"Cassie, only kids play on a jungle gym." She ignored me and hoisted her weight off the ground and, using only her hands, attempted to cross the expanse.

She did not make it. Barely got halfway before she let go. "Damn!" she cursed, grinning. She wiped her hands on her mucky pant legs. Then she said, "Sarah, we _are_ kids. We're barely teenagers."

I sighed. "We _should_ be in school."

This time, she sighed. "Let's go then." I waited until she put back on her knapsack and walked up next to me before we both headed to the school. "We're going to miss science," I muttered unnecessarily.

"So what? You've never missed a class before and only skipped your homework once. You won't fail. You're probably not even going to shave your grade."

"What about you?"

She waved a hand dismissively, but did not meet my gaze. "Don't worry about me."

I muttered, "Thank you."

She patted my shoulder. "Are you going to math class at least?"

I sighed. "I don't want to miss another class in my best subject."

"Just think of it as a mission. I've never seen you fail a mission."

That made me smile. I said, "Thanks," again. My mood was at its peak right then. That is, right until Cassie and I finally walked into the school. It was like a dark cloud passed over me. I think Cassie felt my mood change, because she offered to walk me to my locker, but I declined. She needed to get to her next class. I refused to let her get into more trouble on my behalf.

She left. On the way to my locker, I unluckily passed by Chapman, who just looked at me the way an assistant-principal would when he knows a student skipped a class. He stopped me. "Aren't you supposed to be in class right now?"

"Is it first period still, or has second period started?"

"Second period barely started. Why aren't you in class?"

"On my way to my locker, sir."

He raised an eyebrow. "You've skipped a lot of classes this week. Are you alright?"

"Yessir."

He looked at me, like he was going to call my bluff. But after a few moments, he just sighed and said, "Hurry and get to class."

"Yessir." I continued walking to my locker. I also managed to breathe a huge sigh of relief. I am so glad that dream last night was _just_ a dream. Even before I knew Chapman was a Yeerk, I never liked him. He seemed so subtly arrogant.

Ah, finally; my locker. I opened it and completely forgot that I was messy this week. Papers, books and other stuff came tumbling out, noisily. I rolled my eyes and groaned. I put aside what I was currently carrying and tried to shove everything back into my locker. I took out anything that related to math, as I was going to need it, but everything else went back in. I would have to organize it during my lunch period.

Satisfied that my locker could close, I picked back up all my books and papers and turned around to my math class. But someone with black hair and brown eyes was standing in my way. She was smiling friendlily. Just like that, any good feeling Cassie gave me that morning flew out the window. All the anguish I felt over the week came back in a flood of bad memories. My eyes welled up again.

I was _not_ in the mood for Lydia.

"Hi!" she said, annoyingly. "I just want you to know about your History test today. We didn't do much studying together, but I wanted to wish you the best of -"

I raised my fist and resisted the urge to let it fly. Cassie was the one who told me that I never hit a person unless she truly deserved it. It was not Lydia's fault Marco liked her. I shouldn't hit her for that. Besides, I didn't want to let Cassie down. What I did do was say, as evenly as I could, "You'd better get the _fuck_ out of my way before I can't hold back this fist anymore!"

Her smile disappeared and she scurried off fairly quickly. I should have done that a long time ago. I continued my trek to my math class. Of course, the class was already in session when I got there. I opened the door and walked in. The class stopped and everyone looked at me. Except Marco, who kept his eyes on the blackboard.

The teacher said, "You're late. And you've missed a few classes -"

"I am _not_ in a good mood," I said, almost huffing. I took my seat and stared at the board, as well.

"You missed a pop quiz yesterday."

"I would have aced it."

He paused. He looked like he was going to lecture me some more, but then turned to the board and continued with his lesson instead. He was talking about numbers and fractions and common denominators, but I wasn't paying attention. It took every ounce of willpower I possessed in order to keep my eyes on the board and not letting them glance in Marco's direction.

Part of me wanted to kick his ass, but the rational part of me stopped that. If he didn't like me, that was his decision. Attempting to force a different outcome was useless; I realize that now. I sat there in the class and thought about what my life would have been like if I were Marco's definition of 'normal'. If I had human parents and grew up in a human environment.

I would probably have a sense of humour. My athletic body would probably assure me a spot on the cheerleading squad. I bet I'd be a girly girl, too. If that was the case, if all that were true had I been 'normal', I most likely would not like Marco. Or Cassie. And I certainly wouldn't have a brother like Aximili. I would never have walked through a construction site with any of them at night. I would not be fighting the Yeerks; fighting for freedom and peace.

And if that's the price I'd have to pay for normalcy, then I am grateful to be who I am right now. If Marco can't see that about me, then he doesn't deserve me in the first place.

That, however, didn't make it any easier to stare at the board and not at him…

* * *

"_Depression is not sobbing and crying and giving vent, it is plain and simple reduction of feeling...People who keep stiff upper lips find that it's damn hard to smile_." -- _Judith Guest_

I was the first out the door when the bell rang. I went straight back to my locker, to organize it. My stomach growled, but I didn't feel like eating. Things, again, fell out of my locker as I opened it, so I decided to first organize the stream of papers on the floor first.

Of course, bending over to pick up papers on the floor made it so I couldn't see who was behind me when I got the feeling that someone was there. I muttered, "Yes?" without turning around. The floor was a little wet and was going to ruin my homework should I not pick it up fast enough.

The voice, which belonged to Erek, said, softly, "Hi, Sarah."

I sighed. I'm glad it was him and not Lydia. "Yes?" I repeated.

"Um, do you need any help?" I supposed that was a code for having information, and offering help was his alibi should anyone walk by and ask.

So I shuffled aside a bit and Erek bent over, just as I saw the lighting shimmer a bit and Erek the human turned into Erek the robotic dog. Anybody walking by would no doubt see him helping me clean my locker, thanks to his hologram.

That was the only thing about him that impressed me. I found Erek was far too modest for me to like at all. What was most surprising about him being here was that he _was_ actually helping me clean my locker. And he was helping fast! He already had all of my History stuff in one pile for me to pick up for my next class before I even knew what papers were what.

As he gathered some of my books, he said, "I tried to find you in the café, but you weren't there."

"I'm not hungry," I lied.

He didn't look at me. "Has any of the others told you what was going on with the new Kandrona?"

"Yes."

He nodded. "Good. I was worried when I couldn't find you in the mall. Cassie assured me that you were just at home studying." I had a feeling she told him more than that, but I decided not to say anything. He added, "Did they tell you that the Kandrona would be delivered on Sunday?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sure they mentioned that I was transferred to finish construction on the sports arena it'll be sent to, right?"

I sighed. "Yeah. The point?"

He stood up to put my books back in my locker. In order to stay within the hologram, I stood up as well, making sure to keep my History stuff in my arms as well. Again, he did not look at me. "I, um, heard new information last night."

"Good news or bad?"

"It's always bad news, Sarah," he said. I guess he would have smiled, if his robotic physique would allow it. I was not amused. So he finished, "The Kandrona is being delivered tonight."

"_What_?!" A kid walking by at that moment would have stopped and stared, had Erek's hologram not been good at muting conversation behind it.

He looked at me with supposedly a guilty expression. "You know better than anyone else how the rumour mill in the Yeerk Empire works. Wrong information is deliberately sent through it in case of unwanted ears. I wasn't even sure about Sunday. I told Jake that I _thought_ it would be Sunday, though I bet he told you it was an absolute."

"Geez, and they wonder why I _hate_ you so much!" I was still angry. Not at Erek, though. He was just giving me an excuse to rage.

I knew then that Cassie told him more than he was letting on, because he usually apologizes when I go off on him. This time, however, he did not. I think he knew I was taking my anger out on him. More calmly, I asked, "Then how are you sure it's tonight?"

"The sub-Visser in charge of the project told me herself. For security reasons, she actually has two hosts. One human, one Hork-Bajir. Usually, she addresses the construction workers in her Hork-Bajir host. That way, the rumour mill would get around to the 'Andalite Bandits' that the sub-Visser is not human. That way, she could switch to her human host and completely fool them. Last night, however, she was in a hurry so she told me about the Kandrona, to have everything finished by tonight, in her human host, so she could leave quickly."

"Did you know she had two hosts?"

He shook his head. "Not until last night."

"So when the Kandrona arrives, she'll probably be in her human host."

"That's correct."

I hesitated. "Jake wants to starve the Yeerk out and question her."

Erek sighed. "Yeah, that's because I stupidly told him that she may have information regarding Tom. The only problem is that those may be rumours too, and I was very clear that she may not know anything about Tom at all. Unfortunately…"

"Unfortunately, he'd do anything for Tom," I finished. "Not that I blame him. I'd do anything for _my_ brother, too."

He nodded and added, "There is an easy way to destroy the Kandrona without anyone setting foot in the arena."

"Oh, I know. I can shoot it with a Dracon Beam. A very high-focused beam in the very centre, where it's thickest."

I swear I almost saw him smile. "You sure do know a lot about Yeerks. But you'll only have one shot. A Dracon Beam at that frequency -"

I raised a hand to stop him. "Erek, you're acting like I have never used a Dracon Beam before. I know. I won't miss. I have perfect accuracy, after all."

"I'm only relaying Jake's orders. I talked to him in the café. He said that destroying the Kandrona takes precedence over anything else, including the subsequent capture and interrogation of the sub-Visser. Though he was quite relieved that she would most likely be human at that point."

"Yeah; it's easier to capture a human than a Hork-Bajir." He put the last of my strewn papers back in my locker, but the hologram did not disperse. I raised an eyebrow. "Is there anything else?"

His robot eyes looked at mine and although they appeared indifferent, I saw a ghost of regret behind them. However, his reply was, "Jake said to meet near the football field after school. Other than that, there's nothing else." His hologram returned and I was looking at the human Erek once more. This time, I did see that his eyes, which were still on mine, look somewhat gloomy. "I just hope you're going to be okay."

I growled. "I'm fine. And tell everyone to stop saying that to me."

He grinned. "Sorry."

I waved a hand to my locker. "Thanks for helping me out."

"Sure."

I adjusted my History stuff in my arms, closed my locker and walked passed Erek to my History class. I should be able to get in some very last minute studying, though I didn't see what the point was. I was going to fail again. Besides, every time I opened my text book, it reminded me of Lydia, which made me upset.

When the bell for class rang, my eyes had muddied up again…


	7. Chapter 7

Before the teacher handed out the test, Jake muttered to me that I was welcome to look for the answers off of his test, but I didn't want to cheat in order to pass. Besides, it was my own fault I was going to fail; best not bring Jake down with me. He also whispered to me if Erek had a chance to talk to me, but all I could do was nod, because the teacher came around with the test at that point.

I spent five minutes looking over the questions, and by the end of the test, the only questions I answered correctly were my name and the date. Every blank I attempted to put in something; anything, even if it was just repeating the question in different words. At least that way, it would look like I put an effort into it.

Unfortunately, most of the questions made me upset. If I saw a question that reminded me of Lydia during the one study session I had with her, I doodled something obscene in the blank space with my answer, including her name being pierced by some blunt object. A doodle that Jake pointed out and softly chuckled at was a stick figure with the name Lydia pointing to it, and a scorpion slicing her head off. Of course, only Jake would know that it wasn't _really_ a scorpion.

The very last question of the test I didn't even put in a real answer. I drew a picture of a heart with a knife protruding through it, and a caption indicating that the heart belonged to me, with a second caption to indicate who was stabbing it. A teardrop hit the paper, which was hint enough to put my pen aside and flip my test over.

I was the first to finish.

Close to the end of class, the teacher collected the tests, and when he picked up mine and looked at it, I vaguely saw him look at me with concern, but he didn't say anything. He put the tests on his desk and addressed the class, "Are there, um, any questions about the test?"

One kid in the back answered timidly, "Is the first questions supposed to be a trick question? Like, isn't there more than one way to answer it?"

"Alright, let's see," the teacher said. "What are some examples of answers? What caused the Great Depression?"

I didn't raise my hand, but a little louder than I wanted, I answered the question the same way I did on my test: "_Lydia_!"

And the class, for some reason, thought that was hilarious. But instead of getting angry, like I usually do, I put my face in my hands and cried. The class, thankfully, didn't find that hilarious. Billy didn't even laugh. Of course, that could be because he was afraid I'd attack him if he did.

Finally, the bell rang, and everyone left the classroom, but I didn't move. Neither did Jake. The teacher stood in front of my desk for a while, but I didn't look at him. I think Jake told him to move on, because he left the classroom, leaving the door slightly ajar. Although he didn't say anything, Jake sat beside me, shuffling papers in front of him. I looked at his desk, still blubbering, long enough to see that he took out papers from his next class and was writing on them.

He saw my confused glance and explained, "I forgot to do my homework."

"At least you didn't fail this test," I whispered.

He waved a sheet of paper in the air and replied, "Don't worry; I'll make up for it by failing _this_ test. I'm not good in Chemistry."

"Chemistry is easy."

He smiled and said, "You're crying over Chemistry right now."

I hate it when he does that. I frowned. "Things were _so_ much better when I thought he was a sarcastic, unfunny pain in the ass."

"Yeah," he agreed, "but he's much more fun that way."

He grinned. I sighed angrily and gathered my things up. "I hate you, Jake."

"I know," he replied, laughing, as I left the room…

* * *

As soon as I walked into the gym, most of my classmates asked, "Where have you been all week?"

To which I simply answered, "Sick."

"_Love_sick," Rachel corrected loudly. The class joined her in laughing at me. I turned around, intent on leaving the gym, but Rachel yelled, "Why are you running, you coward?"

I stopped and snapped my head toward her. "Excuse me?"

"What? No snide retort? No threat to kick my ass? What happened to you?"

I muttered, "I'm not in the mood."

"Are you going to cry again, you baby?"

I narrowed my brow. "What?" I asked, dangerously.

"I said you were a baby. A cry-baby. A blubbering, cowardly baby too weak to pick a fight anymore. Boo hoo." I said nothing. I didn't even move. Rachel added, "I miss the _old_ you. I hope you never fall in love again."

I don't know why that did it, but as soon as she said that I ran up to her and punched. Of course I missed. Rachel was expecting me to do that. But as soon as I did, she cheered. The gym joined in.

"It doesn't feel as good unless I connect my fist with your jaw," I said.

She shrugged. "Better than nothing."

Other than that incident, the rest of gym class went by uneventful. I barely participated, unless it involved a chance to punch Rachel. I never connected a hit, however. Whether that was on purpose or because she was getting better at dodging me, I don't know. Either way, it gave me an opportunity to vent in a more healthy way than crying in front of class.

Rachel walked with me to my locker, and after I put my stuff away, we went to Cassie's locker. Jake was talking to her and when they saw us, Jake said loudly, "You're a pretty good artist, Sarah."

"What?" Rachel asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Those were doodles."

"I overheard Chapman talking to our History teacher," he added. "They want you to see the Guidance councellor."

"Or not," I muttered. "Can we go now?"

As we were walking out of the school, Rachel said, "I thought talking about your problems was the first step in solving them?"

"Not to a Guidance councellor," I said. "They don't care about you. They're there because they get _paid_ to be there." Jake held the door open for us and I was the first to walk out of the school. It was kind of gloomy out, but not rainy yet. I was sure getting sick of the rain, and if it rained during this mission, I would not be pleased.

But what happened next made me wish it was raining after all. I felt someone shove me, hard, into the brick wall of the school next to the doors. I was too stunned to see who it was, and the fact that this person could sneak up on me made me too stunned to shove back. As soon as I heard him hiss, "You bitch!" at me, I knew who it was.

My elbow started bleeding. I heard Jake say, "Marco, what the hell is wrong with you?!"

He answered, glaring at me, "You threatened to attack my girlfriend? All she wanted was to wish you good luck and you threatened to attack her?!"

"But I didn't actually do it," I muttered. I stood up straight, trying to ignore my bleeding limb. "And I certainly didn't shove her into a wall."

"If you ever make Lydia cry again, I'll do more than shove you into a wall!"

And I replied, softly and dangerously, "If you ever shove me into a wall again, I will show you why Visser Three insisted I be put in charge of torturing people who didn't agree with him."

We said nothing. We just glared at each other. I could tell Jake was worried someone would overhear me say Visser Three's name, but since no one was muttering, "Andalite," I guess he thought we were okay.

After a very uncomfortable silence, I said, "I'm out. Joining this stupid group was Cassie's idea in the first place, and I'm out. If this is what I have to look forward to every day, then I don't want any part of it. I can kick Yeerk ass on my own. I don't need any of you!"

I tried to walk away, but Jake was faster. He grabbed my arm to stop me. He said, sternly, "First of all, whatever you decide to do, you owe it to me, at least, not to blow our cover by saying _his_ name or _his_ race in hearing range of other people!" I said nothing, but nodded. Then he added, "Secondly, you are the only person who has perfect accuracy. We need you to destroy that _thing_ we need you to destroy. You can do whatever you please after that, but do this one mission first!"

"Fine," I growled, "but after this, I'm out."

"Then let's go." Marco headed off first, followed by Jake. Rachel and Cassie stayed behind with me, while I ripped some of my shirt off to tie around my bloody elbow.

"Can I trust you two to keep a secret?" I whispered, not looking at either of them.

"Of course," they both replied.

I finished my makeshift bandage and said, "After this mission, I am going to sneak into Lydia's house at night and either suffocate her or choke her to death, whichever I feel like at the time." I didn't wait for them to reply before adding, "Then, I will sneak into Marco's house and kill him the same way his mother supposedly died; by drowning him."

"No you won't," Rachel said, laughing a bit. "You're not a murderer."

"The two of us have fought along side each other long enough to know that I am."

Cassie didn't say anything, but she followed after me as soon as I started walking. Rachel was close behind. She said, "Can I still morph into an elephant and break down her door?"

"I'm glad you find this amusing," I growled. "I'm not joking."

"Neither am I," Rachel said. "You're my friend. You come first."

I found myself smiling. "Thanks."


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you for the continued reviews! I appriciate all your kind words!

A note to **animorphlover 37**: Thank you much for the advice! It's a brilliant idea, but I'm not sure I can implement it in _this_ story. Unless a miraculous opportunity presents itself, I'm afraid flashbacks would take away from the main idea. But it is a great idea for a future story. Thank you again!

* * *

"_When a man is pushed, tormented, defeated, he has a chance to learn something_." -- _Ralph Waldo Emerson_

The clouds got darker once we found a place to morph into seagulls, but it wasn't raining yet. There was a good chance that it would eventually, which is why we had to work fast. Flying in the rain was not easy to do, even for a seagull. Not to mention that it would look too conspicuous.

Jake said that Tobias and Aximili would be waiting for us at the beach. He chuckled a bit as he reminisced how Tobias complained, because he'd have to morph into a seagull as well, and he always looked down on those birds. In fact, even though any normal human wouldn't notice a difference, when we reached the beach and got within eyesight of the other seagulls, we could easily point out which one was Tobias. He was the only seagull not in a group.

He said, ((Do you notice anything odd about the humans on the beach?))

I looked around. They seemed to be acting normally; swimming in the ocean, building sand castles, dropping ice cream all over themselves. But then again, my knowledge of humans was as limited as Aximili's, which is why the answer to Tobias' question came from Cassie, who was very observant. ((The fact that there _are_ humans on the beach, period.))

((Exactly,)) Tobias finished. ((It's going to rain very soon. Normal humans wouldn't be on the beach at this point.))

((Which means,)) Jake pointed out, ((these people are Yeerks. That makes this a bit more difficult.))

((Makes it more fun, is all.)) Rachel, of course.

I said, ((They are setting up for a Kandrona, which is all being run by a sub-Visser. She must be a low-ranking sub-Visser if this is all the security she has on the beach.))

((Unless there's more inside the control room.))

((It won't be easy to get in,)) Aximili said. ((There are snipers on the roof.))

We turned our attention to the arena's roof, and sure enough, there were at least three snipers that we could see. Of course, there were probably more hidden within the heating system or behind things. If zoo animals were to cross the beach, we'd be picked off by those snipers. If we weren't, the Yeerks on the beach would raise all kinds of alarms that would call reinforcements, which would kill us off anyway.

There may be a way around it, though. I said, ((I think I have an idea.))

((Whatever it is, we have a better one,)) Marco said, snidely.

((Don't take that tone -))

((Erek told us that he's on the roof,)) Jake interrupted, rudely. ((That's where we're going to get the Dracon beam. He's on the south end, away from the other snipers. There's also a way in the building through the air vent on that side.))

((Why didn't he tell me that?)) I asked.

((He probably thought you already knew,)) Rachel answered.

Jake continued the debriefing. ((We need to split into two teams. One group will create a distraction that will lead attention away from the _other_ group until they get inside the building. Sarah, obviously, is in the group that will destroy the Kandrona, but you also need to take out the snipers on the roof. Preferably before they raise the alarm.))

((Are there only the three snipers?))

If a seagull could shrug, Jake would have. ((You need to ask Erek that. Also, your group needs to be small, as we need to quickly destroy the Kandrona, grab the sub-Visser if possible and get out. We've decided that your group will consist of you, me and Rachel. Everyone else is going to cause a distraction. Any objections?))

((No, sir.))

((Don't call me 'sir'. Okay, so Cassie, Marco, Tobias and Ax, find somewhere to morph into battle form, and wait for the signal before proceeding across the beach. The three of us will do what needs to be done inside, but do _not_ come in after us unless it looks obvious that we need help. If you notice outside reinforcements coming, get off the beach and go into the forest. Do _not_ come into the arena if more Yeerks approach, is that clear?))

((Sure thing, oh fearless leader,)) replied Marco.

Jake groaned. ((Three nicknames I have. Can't you people just call me 'Jake'?))

((How boring is that?))

I stifled the urge to snicker. I no longer wanted to find his jokes funny. And I was glad that he and the others veered away as Jake, Rachel and I, as seagull-like as we could, flew towards the south end of the building. Even if Erek said he was the only one on that end of the building, I still kept alert. Yeerks, especially high-ranking ones, were known to change their minds about security on a moment's notice.

Luckily, when we saw Erek, who was crouched behind a large lightning rod, he was, indeed, the only sniper there. He was holding onto a Dracon beam, but loosely, as if he was a child holding onto something he knew he shouldn't be. Since his programming forbade him to perform any kind of violent act, even if one of us was being attacked, he wouldn't be able to pull the trigger anyway.

We landed close to him and began to demorph. He shuffled aside a bit, to allow us ample room to do so. He looked over his shoulder to make sure no one else was looking. I asked, still semi-in morph, ((How many snipers are on this building, besides you?))

"Three," he whispered, "and they're all on the other side of the building."

I sighed, which came out through my human lungs and mouth. Rachel was second to demorph completely, followed by Jake. I could tell that the two of them were tense, because their breathing increased and their pupils were dilated. As soon as he saw that I had hands, Erek practically shoved the beam into them. I almost felt sorry for him, for the way he was programmed, but then I thought that it was probably better to be peaceful than violent. Then I just envied him.

Erek pointed to the air vent behind him. "That leads to a completely empty room," he muttered. "This part of the roof is almost directly above the ice rink, so the vent itself will lead in a few zigzags, but when you see a room with all the lights off, drop off there. The room is right next to the control room, so since Rachel is with you, all you need to do is break down the door and shoot the Kandrona."

"Sounds like fun," Rachel whispered, grinning.

"As for the snipers on the roof," Erek continued, "make sure you shoot them on the lowest setting. I'll act unconscious as well, to avoid suspicions. But try to save as much energy as you can, or else you won't be able to shatter the Kandrona."

"I know," I said, adjusting the setting on my weapon. "The worst thing I would do to it is crack it. And a slightly cracked Kandrona still works."

"Exactly."

"When did the Kandrona arrive?" Jake asked.

"Shortly after the sub-Visser donned her human host. The Hork-Bajir host, along with several others, are scattered throughout the building. Especially within the rink, so be very quiet when crawling in the vent."

As I sneaked across the roof, towards the three snipers, I vaguely heard Rachel whisper to Erek, "It's going to rain soon. Aren't you worried about this lightning rod?"

Erek replied, "My body is made from a kind of metal that doesn't conduct lightning."

"Handy." That was the last bit of conversation I heard as I crouched behind an air pipe protruding out of the roof and aimed my weapon at the first sniper. The second one was a few feet away, and the third was nearer to the edge of the roof. Picking off the first two snipers would be easy, as they were so close together. The third would be difficult, because I would also have to stand up to reach him. If the third one shouted something before I could get him, then all attention on the beach would look up and see, should I be standing at the time.

On the other hand, if I took out the third sniper first, there was a good chance that no one on the beach would notice me standing, but then the first two snipers would, and it would be all over anyway. So, I did the only other logical thing: I shot the first sniper first, and while the second sniper was distracted by the fact that his friend suddenly dropped, I rose to my feet, picked off the third sniper, crouched again, and just before the second sniper figured out what was going on, I shot him, too.

I stayed in my position for a short time, just in case someone on the beach noticed something. Then I heard Jake say, "Sarah, let's go. Come on!" so I made my way back to where the others were sitting.

Rachel pulled the cage off the vent, leading the way into the system that would take us to the empty room. The four of us instinctively snapped our heads around when we heard someone on the beach shout, "Andalite!" followed by a wolf's loud roar.

"That's our cue," Jake said, and was the first in the vent.

"Cassie gets all the fun," Rachel muttered, grinning mischievously. She was next.

"Good luck," Erek said to me, as he lay on the roof, feigning unconsciousness. I went in the vent last, adjusting the large Dracon beam in my arms. I followed after Rachel, who was moving far too slowly. It had to be done because, as Erek said, there were Hork-Bajir guards below us, and it wouldn't be a good idea to attract attention and be captured in an air vent.

It was also very hard for me to turn the ever-present zigzags, while holding a Dracon beam. Of the three of us, I made the most noise. Jake, from the front, had to hiss a 'shush' to me every so often. I ended up moving even slower than them, so I could have time to shift my weapon to my other hand, turn the corner, shift it back to my dominate hand, avoid slipping on the vent and continue slithering. If someone were watching me, I would probably look ridiculous; as if I were a snake getting used to limbs.

When Rachel suddenly stopped in front of me, I almost bumped into her. I did accidentally hit her with the beam, which she managed to stifle the urge to cry in pain. I respected that about her; she rarely let pain affect her. I couldn't see over her, but I heard another cage being lifted from another vent, and when I heard a soft _PLUNK_ from below me, I figured Jake found the entrance to the empty room and left the air vent. That assumption was confirmed when Rachel started moving again and easily slipped through the vent into the room below us as well.

It would have been very difficult, not to mention loud, if I just dropped into the room holding a Dracon beam. I wouldn't be able to drop as gracefully as Rachel, and would most likely ram the beam into the vent first, or something else below me. So what I did was look through the hole and wait until I had Rachel's attention. Then I dropped the weapon down to her first, so she could catch it. Then she stepped aside to allow me ample room. Finally, I came into the room and took the weapon back from Rachel.

It was a lot darker than I thought it would be. Then again, my night vision wasn't as good as it used to be. I adjusted the beam, slowly, so that it could have the frequency needed to shatter a Kandrona. I glanced at Jake, who had an expression on his face similar to a squirrel listening for predators. There was rustling coming from the next room, where the Kandrona supposedly was, but certainly nothing loud enough to make out with human ears.

This is why Jake and Rachel took that time to morph. I noticed, much to my amusement, that the first thing Rachel morphed was size. She was turning into a grizzly bear, but even before she grew fur, she grew large. In order not to laugh at her, and subsequently get a bear claw in my head, I turned to look at Jake instead. He grew ears on the top of his head just as he was falling on all fours. One of his ears twitched and he said, ((There are three different Hork-Bajir voices.))

((One for each of us,)) Rachel added.

I did not say anything. I could be heard. So Jake replied, ((No, Sarah needs to shoot the Kandrona. You can have hers, Rachel.))

((Excellent!))

I rolled my eyes. ((Are you done with that beam, Sarah?)) Jake asked. I nodded. ((Good. Rachel, would you like to do the honours?))

((My pleasure.)) Now fully grizzly, Rachel stood as straight as she could, which was quite tall, hobbled over to the door and drew back a massive, bear fist. I felt very sorry for that door, and thanked all the gods in the universe that I was on her side.

Although, if my threat carried out, I would leave this group after this mission. I felt bad about that; leaving this group because Marco was being a jerk. After this is over, and we survive, of course, I would talk to Jake. Maybe I could stay and just get together with everyone when a mission came up. That way, I could keep my distance and still be part of everything.

Just when I thought all my anger and pain was subsiding, it all came back within the next few seconds. Rachel slammed her fist into the door, shattering it to wooden pieces. I sensed Jake beside me donning a predator's stance, just before it leaps on its prey. I cocked my weapon and pointed it in front of me. I hoped the Kandrona would be within eyesight; I would hate to have to look for it, because it would mean Jake and Rachel warding off whatever is waiting for us while I find it.

When the door was done breaking, opening the next room up for us, I noticed that Jake was only partially correct. There were, in fact, three Hork-Bajir guards, but there was one other being; the one we all assumed was the sub-Visser.

A human with black hair and brown eyes looked at me and grinned evilly…


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's Notes**: Thank you, **Conflicted One**, for your rating on my story! It makes me happy that I scored so high. I hope I don't let you down with the rest of the story.

* * *

"_Sometimes a breakdown can be the beginning of a kind of breakthrough, a way of living in advance through a __trauma__ that prepares you for a future of radical transformation_." -- _Cherrie Moraga_

My eyes widened. My jaw dropped. It was like being hit with a ton of bricks. Everything else around me fizzled into nothingness as I just stood there, stunned. Finally, my mouth managed to move enough to say, "She's a _Yeerk_? That explains _everything_!"

And just as I cocked the weapon again and aimed at her, in my head I heard Jake shout, ((_Rachel_!))

And just immediately behind that, I felt myself being slammed onto the ground, making me drop the beam, which scattered across the floor. Being slammed into a brick wall by Marco was nothing compared to being thrown down to the floor by a full-grown grizzly bear. All the wind was knocked out of me, and I couldn't get it back, because Rachel's paw was pinning me down. The intense pain in my chest, increasing every time I tried to move, told me that at least one of my ribs was broken. I also felt that my hip was at least cracked, if not broken as well.

Now we were in a whole new situation; while trying to gasp for air, I saw our odds change. Jake could not take on three Hork-Bajir on his own, if Rachel was going to keep me pinned. I vaguely saw him back up a bit behind Rachel, because if anyone could take on three Hork-Bajir, she could. I felt her tense up, to show herself more powerful, which unfortunately, squished me further into the floor.

Finally, one of my gasps for air was heard, and Rachel lifted her paw off of me. Slightly. I still couldn't move, but I could sort of breathe. It was painful to do so, but at least my rage and contempt kept me conscious. The rapid intake of breaths sounded like a train, but I ignored it as I saw Lydia bend over to pick up my dropped Dracon beam and re-aim it at me.

And among the thoughts of berating myself for not seeing sooner that she was a Yeerk, I also thought how stupid she was to aim that weapon at me and not Rachel, who was a much bigger threat at the moment. She laughed in the sarcastic way that was inherent to Yeerks. "What a fantastic surprise," she said. "You, of all people. And here I just thought you were a sorry teenaged female with too much emotion. I can't believe you're here."

I wanted so bad to say as many swear words to her, in the three languages I knew, but when I tried to speak, all that came out was a pained grunt. That made her laugh. I growled at her, still gasping for air. Jake said, ((We have to think of a new plan.))

((No duh, Jake,)) replied Rachel.

((I wish Erek had told me it was Lydia.))

((If he did that, you wouldn't have let Sarah come, and she's the only one that can shoot that Kandrona.))

((The last time we destroyed a Kandrona, _you_ did it.))

((I threw it out of a window! Do you see any windows here?))

Jake groaned. ((I don't even see the Kandrona.))

Lydia, who was not privy to our thought-speech, continued instead to make me miserable. She said, "Your Andalite friends must know of your lovesickness if they have you pinned like this. Are you surprised that I am the sub-Visser?" She laughed again.

"You…" I grunted. That took all the energy I had. Nothing else out of my mouth made sense.

"Do you know how much favour I can get from Visser Three when I deliver him the three of you? Especially you, Sarah. I'll get a promotion. I wonder if he will permit me to take you for my host."

Before I could grunt again, Jake demanded, ((Where is the Kandrona?)) This was surprising because they don't normally address Yeerks, especially human ones, in case they realize that they were all human. I guess, however, since Aximili wasn't here, and I was mute from pain, Jake had no choice.

But Lydia just chuckled again, "Wouldn't _you_ like to know? I'll make you a promise, though. When you have your very own Yeerk in your head, I'll tell you then. How's that?"

The tiger beside me growled. It made two of the three Hork-Bajir back up. Rachel said, hesitantly, ((You do realize, Jake, that since the Yeerk knows who Sarah is, she can't be allowed to go.))

((I know, I know! But right now, that's the _least_ of our problems! I have an idea. I need you to stay where you are, Rachel, because if you move, it may not work.))

((Got it.))

I could sense what Jake had in mind. His tail sort of brushed against my pinned leg as he nestled his hind-quarters in such a subtle way that no human or Hork-Bajir could see it. And then, will all the liquid grace that a tiger possessed, Jake pounced! True to his hypothesis, the Yeerk in Lydia's head reacted to it the human way, not the smart way; she saw an oncoming attack and attempted to re-aim the weapon at Jake, instead of firing at the person she had originally threatened.

She was way too slow. Jake landed almost square on her chest, knocking her down instantly, allowing the weapon to, again, skid across the floor. It stopped when it hit the talon of one of the Hork-Bajir. He ignored it and instead charged the tiger, to protect his superior. The other two Hork-Bajir were a split second's hesitation behind.

Rachel lifted her paw clear off of me and joined the fight. She grabbed a Hork-Bajir around the neck and tossed him off of Jake, as easily as if he were made of sticks. Jake stayed on top of Lydia, who was gasping for air. It made me grin, knowing she was having just as hard a time breathing as I did. When I realized that Rachel was no longer pinning me to the ground, I decided it was time enough to fix my injuries and help my friends.

Morphing is designed to be painless. Unfortunately, if one has broken ribs and a cracked hip, in order for them to shift according to the morph, it will hurt until they become part of the new DNA structure. I was grateful, though, that my mid-section was the first to morph. It hurt, but after it was done, I felt a whole lot better.

My skin colour is slightly more tanned than the average Caucasian, so after my internal organs and bone structure were re-positioned, the hue of my skin only had to tan just a little bit more. Then the fur practically exploded on my skin, mostly a tannish brown, but with patches of white here and there. My body elongated, almost three feet longer than I was originally, including a tail that shot out from my spine. More and more muscle piled onto my new form, turning my human weight of about 110 pounds to just short of 200 pounds.

My legs thinned, and my feet turned into paws. My hands were close to follow. The last thing that changed in this was my head. My face shot outward, giving me a muzzle, which filled instantly with sharp teeth. Fur crept along my face, outlining my nose and mouth in darker brown than the rest of my body. My ears crawled to the top of my head and triangulated. Finally, my eyes and whiskers fully formed, which made my senses more intense than when I was human.

I was sleek. I was fearless. I could take on a full-grown moose and get away without a scratch. I could stalk anything and not be seen until it was too late. I was _Puma concolor_: Mountain Lion. And I could sense my prey; a creature with black fur on her head. I could sink my teeth into her neck and cut off her nervous system so she could not squirm away. And with her dying breath, she will glorify my hunting prestige!

I did not know if that thought belonged to the lion or to me, the human, Sarah. I did not care, either; it was a nice thought. Unfortunately, however, although there was prey, my animal instincts detected danger. The human, Sarah, was worried about the three Hork-Bajir, but the lion was worried about the other predators. Even though the animal I had morphed was considered a "big cat", it was still relatively small scale in the animal kingdom. Which is why, when the lion sensed the tiger, it held some reserve, especially since the tiger was pinning the prey to the ground.

Even more frightening than it was the great grizzly bear standing not too far off. I could take down a moose without trying. That bear could poke me and I'd be out for the count. My muscles were built for speed and climbing awkward rocks, but that bear was built for power. The lion in me didn't want to move, for fear of being noticed by these more imposing beasts.

The good side to the lion's reservations was that the human, Sarah, could take control more easily. Without any broken bones, and no grizzly bear holding me down, I leapt to my feet and charged the closest Hork-Bajir to me, who was just thinking about slashing Jake. There was no way my almost 200 pounds could knock the wind out of this creature the same way Jake's almost 700 pounds could, but when I jumped on him, since the Hork-Bajir did not see me coming, he could not defend himself, and still crashed to the floor.

I sank my teeth into his neck and waited until he stopped twitching before I let go. I looked around, blood dripping from my fangs, and saw Rachel toss the second Hork-Bajir on top of her first, both of whom were unconscious. Jake's tiger eyes glared at me, which made the lion nervous. Sarah, however, was not. Jake said, ((Was that necessary, Sarah?))

He still had two paws on Lydia, keeping her immobile on the floor. The lion was smart enough to know that a fight between it and Jake would end in a horrific, bloody mess on my part. But the human, Sarah, knew that Jake would never kill me, and that would give me a great advantage.

I leapt at Jake, claws outstretched, and crashed into his mid-section. The sheer, unbelievably of my act is what caused Jake to roll across the floor and collide with the wall. Lydia took that opportunity to smartly get out of the way.

((Sarah, what the hell?!)) Rachel yelled.

Jake climbed to his feet, his flank only slightly bleeding. I practically rammed all of my weight into his side and only caused minimal damage. There was no way a small mountain lion like me was going to defeat an animal three times bigger, heavier and stronger than me. But my only saving grace was that Jake was still human, and would not kill me.

Jake roared in a natural predatorily tiger way. It made the lion in me wince. Nevertheless, I responded with a roar of my own, which compared to Jake's was like a remote-controlled plane next to a 747. He said, a lot less angrily than I would have thought, ((If you want to take your anger out of me, that's fine. I would prefer it if you could have waited until _after_ the mission, but if it makes you _grow up_ after I kick your ass without breaking a sweat, then that's fine with me!))

And then he charged me. He, of course, was faster than me. I swiped at him with my paw. I might as well have been made of wood. His paw was much, much bigger than mine. I barely hurt him. When his paw connected with my jaw, it sent me flying across the room.

I quickly got back up and staggered a bit as I charged him again. It was an interesting sight; Jake and I were fighting in the middle of the room, while Rachel, a grizzly bear, was on one side, and a very frightened, confused Lydia Yeerk was on the other. I could vaguely see her glancing at the door, leading to the rink. Either she was thinking of an escape plan, or she was just waiting for reinforcements.

Nothing happened, though; nothing besides me charging Jake over and over again, and him flinging me across the floor. At one point, I managed to jump on his back and bite down on his neck, but it was a very short-lived victory. He swung his whole upper section and threw me off of him, then he dug his own teeth into my neck.

((I hate you, Jake!)) I said. His teeth did not loosen. The lion in me feared for its life, but I knew Jake would not kill me. He may disable me, knock me out, rough me up, but he would not kill me.

((Why do you hate _me_?)) he demanded.

((Marco is your best friend. He tells you everything. You trust him. You let him do anything he wants. If he gets a girlfriend, you support that. But you don't stick your nose in his personal business. Even if you don't like his taste in girls, you would never say anything bad about it to him. And now his girlfriend is a Yeerk, but the first thing out of your mouth was an order to get Rachel to subdue _me_! Because you know hurting Lydia would hurt Marco, and Heaven forbid anything bad should happen to him! Even at the expense of me, you will make sure _he is happy first_!))

No one said a word for a long time. Lydia stood still in the corner, attempting to look like the dignified Yeerk she thought she was. Rachel didn't move, either. It was altogether a very tense moment. Until I heard Jake say, incredibly softly, ((If that Kandrona is operational, and this Yeerk plan continues uninterrupted, it would be the end of the planet. And you know that. If you kill Lydia before this mission is over, we will never find that Kandrona. Right now, that is most important. More important than you, or me or Marco. You got that?))

I tried to move, but he was too much stronger than me. Not to mention his teeth had a good grip on my neck. For a moment, I let the lion's instincts take over mine, but I snapped back to reality when Jake continued, ((If you want to kill Lydia after this mission, I swear I won't stop you. But please, let's get this done first. Alright?))

I looked at the pitiable human against the wall. Even though the Yeerk was trying hard to keep her composure, I could see the fear. I could smell it. And as much as I wanted to sink my teeth into her tender flesh, I couldn't. Jake was right; it would be a temporary relief with too many long-term consequences. We had to destroy the Kandrona first. I had to hold it together for just a little while longer.

I sighed. ((Fine. Fine. You win, Jake.))

He released me and snickered. ((I win in _both_ ways. What the hell were you thinking, attacking me in that morph? Compared to me, you're just a big housecat.))

((I think we can successfully conclude that I was not, in fact, thinking.))

((That was no where near as epic as I was hoping for,)) Rachel piped up. ((When David attacked Jake as a Lion, at least _that_ was an even match.))

((I would like to see Jake follow me up a mountain,)) I muttered.

The three of us laughed. Almost hysterically. We were still aware of the dangerously high-ranking Yeerk a few feet away, but I guess we needed to laugh. But leave it to Jake to get back on track. ((So how do we handle Lydia?))

((We could starve her for three days,)) Rachel suggested.

((How do you propose hiding a sub-Visser for three days?)) I asked. ((Assuming, that is, we can get out of here in one piece.))

((Which reminds me; why haven't a bunch of Hork-Bajir charged in here yet? The two of you weren't exactly quiet, you know.))

We paused. I saw Jake's ears flicking every now and then. I guessed he was trying to hear beyond the room we were in. When he sighed in our heads, I figured he didn't hear anything. ((If the others ran in this building and are engaged in fighting, I will be very peeved.))

((Well, this was supposed to be a quick in and out mission,)) I said, softly. ((I don't think anyone expected the Kandrona to be in another room than this one.))

((They may think we're in danger,)) Rachel added.

Jake groaned. ((First things first; we need to find it. Sarah, demorph, grab that Dracon beam and see if you can get some answers out of Lydia, okay? Do _not_ kill her until we find the Kandrona.))

((Alright, fine.))

As I was demorphing, which was making Lydia more nervous, Rachel asked, ((What are _we_ going to do?))

((We're going to see why there's no ambush. Can you open that door without breaking it?))

((That's no fun.)) But she hobbled over to the door and tenderly grabbed the knob with her clawed paw and tried to open it. Unfortunately, it was locked, so when Rachel yanked, the whole door came off its hinges. Jake groaned again. ((Oops. Sorry, Jake.))

((Whatever. Let's go. Sarah; do _not_ kill her until we get rid of the Kandrona. The sooner you find it, the better.))

"Sure," I said, fully human again. Since my DNA was not affected by Rachel slamming me into the floor, my ribs and hip were completely fine. I picked up the Dracon beam, which was forgotten in another corner of the room. As I pointed it at Lydia, I saw Jake following behind Rachel, leaving me alone with her…


	10. Chapter 10

"_You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist_." -- _Golda Meir_

The silence that followed reminded me of being in detention. Neither of us wanted to disturb it by speaking, as it could have drastic effects. The Yeerk kept Lydia's eyes ever trained on me, and even though on the surface, she showed no emotion, I could tell that she was nervous by me. Which is exactly how I wanted her to feel.

Finally, I broke the silence. "Where's the Kandrona?"

It was like a veil was lifted from her face. She smirked sarcastically. "I'm not going to tell you." I charged my weapon, but she just laughed. "And you're not going to shoot me."

I think I shocked her with my answer. "You're right; I'm not going to shoot you. But you _are_ going to tell me where the Kandrona is."

Snort. "What makes you so sure of that?"

I shrugged, as if we were just talking about the weather. "A simple matter of the choices available. See, you are going to die. Pure and simple. The question is how you _choose_ to die."

She snorted again. "I'm not going to die. You're not going to shoot me."

"Again, you're right. But there is more than one way to skin a Yeerk."

"Short of killing me, how do you plan on getting information from me?"

"You truly are a stupid Yeerk, aren't you?" Before she could retort sarcastically, I continued. "If you know the information, so does your host. Now, granted, I don't have the time or patience to starve you for three days, but I could knock you unconscious, morph a Yeerk and push you out of your host's head. And I will win, should we battle in Lydia's head, because I am much, much stronger than you."

I saw her lip twitch in fear ever so slightly, but her arrogant disposition was back before too long. "You don't have a Yeerk morph. You're bluffing."

"Please. I spent eight years around Yeerks and another three with Andalites. Trust me, I have a Yeerk morph. Of course, you're welcome to call my bluff." She made no indication. "Now, there is another option: you could crawl out of Lydia's ear on your own and I promise your death will be quick and painless."

She snorted. "You sound like Visser Three."

I spread out my arms and smiled. "I lived with him for eight years. I'm bound to pick up some of his nuances."

"So my choices are a battle royale in Lydia's head, which I may not lose -"

"You'll lose."

"- or leaving on my own volition, and getting killed by you anyway?"

"Like I said, you'll die either way. It's up to you _how_."

"I have a better idea: how about I call for assistance and watch you get infested with a Yeerk?"

I shrugged nonchalantly again. "That's a good idea, too. But your so called 'assistance' didn't come so far, and there's a good chance that my friends are keeping them occupied. So if you do call them, it would be useless, and we'll be back, again, to my two choices."

She grinned. "What if I just told you where the Kandrona is, and waited for you to destroy it? That way you get what you want and I go away."

"Nope. Because you know who I am. You cannot live. Do you get it now? Either a slow death or a quick one. You choose."

"You just want to kill me for a personal reason," the Yeerk sneered.

I narrowed my brow. "Maybe that's true, but those are the options. And I'm growing impatient, so decide soon or I'll assume you want a slow death."

Lydia's face glowered at me with such an intense amount of hatred that I had trouble believing it was the same girl I've been dealing with all week. But I figured that the Yeerk in her head didn't want to go through what my idea of a slow death was, which is why, as I watched, the sneer on Lydia's face slowly but surely loosened, as a grey slug made its way out of her ear and made a _PLOP_ on the floor.

"I guess she wasn't as stupid as I thought," I muttered.

"Sarah," Lydia started, "I -"

"Shut up," I hissed. I walked up to where the Yeerk dropped and picked it up. It looked a lot less imposing and sinister in its natural state. Just an oversized slug. How pathetic. And the whole universe is afraid of this?

"Sarah, you need to unders -"

I charged the beam and pointed it at her, not looking at her. "I said shut up."

I wanted to watch it suffer. Make it writhe and squirm in my grasp. But I was true to my word, even to a filthy parasite like this Yeerk. So I squeezed it as hard as I could until its flesh popped open and spilled its slimy guts all over my hand and dripped down my arm. I figured that was as fast and as painless as I could get it.

For some reason, I stared at its guts on my arm for a while. I did really feel anything; it just seemed so useless. In their natural state, they can't see, hear, smell, or feel. They are so absolutely helpless that I couldn't help but wonder how they got so far ahead of every other being in the galaxy, besides Andalites, of course.

"Are you okay?" Lydia asked, in genuine, non-Yeerk concern.

I wiped the slime off on my pants and demanded, "Where's the Kandrona?"

"In the boiler room."

"Why were we told it was in the control room?"

Lydia looked away. "The sub-Visser spread that rumour in order to keep the true location hidden from the Andalite bandits."

"Those Andalites are my friends," I spat. "Don't talk about them like that."

"Sorry."

I growled at her and she humbly kept quiet. It was just like she was with the Yeerk in her head, but there was something about her now that seemed to put me at ease. I stared at her for a while before realizing the truth: she was humble in a humble way, not in an arrogant, Yeerk way. She acted just like Erek.

I suddenly found it very difficult to stay mad at her.

I started walking to the door that Rachel ripped off from the hinges. "Come on," I said to Lydia, normally; without anger. I heard her nervously keeping in step behind me. I stopped walking and waited for her to get beside me. "Where is the boiler room?"

I saw a ghost of a smile on her lips, but that may have been my imagination. She headed down a hallway, in the opposite direction of the rink, where my friends were no doubt fighting for their lives.

"We need to talk," Lydia said, matter-of-factly. I could still hear the quiver in her voice.

"No talking," I replied. "Just show me the boiler room, let me do my thing, and we can get out."

"I'm surprised you're not attacking me."

"I can if you'd like me to."

She sighed. "I'm sorry, if it helps."

"It does not."

She stopped walking and roughly grabbed my wrist. With anyone else, I would have socked the side of their head. But for some reason, I didn't hit her. I just scowled at her. "Look; if that Yeerk never entered my head, I would never have been with Marco."

I jerked my hand away. "Keep walking."

"Not until you get it. Last semester we had Math together. He was a jerk; a sarcastic, arrogant pain in the ass. He still is, mostly. He's immature, childish and gets on my nerves so much, I fear being around him for too long would drive me crazy. I hated him. Now, that hatred has softened into ignorant indifference. I _do not_ like him at all in that way. I _never did_."

I knew she was telling the truth, because of the look in her eyes. I just didn't want to hear it. "I said keep walking. I want to destroy that thing as soon as possible."

She blatantly ignored me. "When the new term started, and you came to the school, I noticed that the two of you became fast friends. If you're not with Cassie in the hallways, you're with Marco. And all I could think of was that you made a cute couple."

I shoved her hard. She just barely kept her balance. She was so determined to explain this to me that her humbleness all but vanished. "Shut up, Lydia," I hissed.

"No. _You_ shut up. Listen to me. I may not be the smartest girl in the world, but at least I know better than to stick my nose in the middle of a potential relationship. My friend Gloria did that once and actually changed schools because of the explosion it caused. Not only did I want to avoid a confrontation from you, but I didn't even _want_ Marco in the first place!

"And then I made the incredibly stupid decision to join The Sharing. My mom is dead and my dad's a drunk. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I remember I was at some barbecue of some kind when three adults, who were full members, came up to me and said, 'She'll do', and dragged me to the Yeerk Pool. They put that Yeerk in my head. She wasn't a sub-Visser at the time, but when she managed to convince Visser Three that a new Kandrona in this location would expand the Empire beyond this one city, he promoted her.

"So for weeks, she oversaw the construction of the housing, which she thought was very boring. She wanted to do something to excite her, and searched my mind for an answer. She noticed how at school I made the observation that you and Marco made a cute couple and decided that putting a rift in your friendship was exactly what she needed."

I shook my head in disbelief. "I don't see how that worked. Marco is much smarter than that. I don't see him being duped so easily."

"This may be hard for you to hear, but Marco is a teenaged boy. He could be a young Einstein, but he is still a teenaged boy. And that Yeerk in my head was a newly-promoted sub-Visser, at least twice his age. I hate to say this, but the Yeerk's powers of persuasion were awesome. A little eyelash batting here, a low-cut shirt there; a strategically placed necklace with a humble, nervous rubbing of it whenever he looked, deliberately bumping into him in the hall, with a silky smile, warm enough to melt ice. The Yeerk had him practically eating oats out of my hand in a week."

I shoved her again, and this time, she did tumble to the floor. But she got right back up, barely acknowledging the pain. "I resisted the whole time," she went on. "Not just because I was afraid of you, but because the thought of being with him made me physically ill. In fact, there were several times during the whole courtship that I had to throw up and the Yeerk could not stop it."

"Shut up!" I yelled. "I don't care, okay? I don't!"

"You need to know! You need to understand. Everything that happened between the two of you was all according to her plan. Remember when you threatened to hit me if I didn't move out of your way? The Yeerk ran to Marco, crying, telling him that you were going to hit me. Period. It was a subtle change to what you did say, but I bet he didn't take it too lightly."

I sighed angrily. "He shoved me into a wall."

She nodded. "She twisted everything you said in such a way that it made him think you wanted to hurt me all the time. All the while, she would bat her eyelashes or stroke his hair; you know, softening him so he'd believe anything she told him."

"Thus the rift began," I muttered.

"Yeah." She paused. "Um, you remember what happened when you were walking to math class, right." She saw that I was about to shove her again, so she backed up. But she spoke anyway, "She only did that because she knew you were coming. And she knew it would tear you apart. It almost didn't happen because of the way I was resisting." She paused to shiver. "It was the most disgusting thing I ever did. He tasted like he hadn't brushed his teeth in a week. And perogies."

I raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong with perogies?"

"I _hate_ perogies."

I didn't want to do it, but it happened before I could stop it. I smiled. And laughed a little. The more I tried to stop it, the more of it came out. And when Lydia joined in, the two of us just stood there, laughing like idiots, until tears formed in my eyes.

After we were finished, Lydia said, more softly, "You know who I really wanted to be with?"

I blinked. "Who?"

"Erek King." I laughed again. "No, seriously! He's sweet and kind and humble. He's the perfect gentleman. In fact, half the reason I joined The Sharing was because he was a member. But my Yeerk, in order to make me miserable, made Erek, who is also a Yeerk, do things to be close to me. As if she were telling me that he and I could never be together, because he was a Yeerk."

I bit my lip to stop myself from telling her the truth about Erek. It didn't surprise me that she fancied him; they were both disgustingly meek. Although, I didn't see how they could ever be together anyway: he was an android and she was human. How would it work?

The subsequent image I received made me laugh, to which Lydia took as me making fun of her. "Is it really that unbelievable?"

"No, no, not at all," I said, between snickering. "Can we go to the boiler room now?"

"Oh, sure." She finally started walking again.

I don't know what it was, but as I followed her to our destination, I began to see her in different light. The urge to bash her head against a table was ebbing. Maybe it was because I killed the being responsible for all the hostility I built up around her. And now that it was gone, maybe Lydia isn't as bad as I first thought…


	11. Chapter 11

I was growing exceedingly suspicious as to why we were not encountering any resistance in this hallway on the way to the boiler room. It wasn't even lit properly, and since my night vision sucked, I was heel-toe right beside Lydia in order to see where she was going. I couldn't hear anything either, which added to my paranoia.

When I asked Lydia about the lack of guards, she said, "The sub-Visser didn't want to guard a useless hallway. And since she didn't believe anyone would find out where the Kandrona is, she only put one Hork-Bajir guard in the boiler room."

I snorted sarcastically. "If Visser Three ever found out how foolish she was being with security, he would have sliced her head off." I stopped and looked at Lydia, just realizing that the head I was talking about was hers. "Sorry," I muttered.

She grinned. "Don't worry about it." She paused, then made a hesitant noise in her throat. "Um, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"If you really had morphed a Yeerk and fought her in my head, would you really have won?"

"Assuming I could morph a Yeerk in the first place, probably not."

She chuckled. "So you _were_ bluffing."

"Yep. She has to be the stupidest sub-Visser I've ever met."

"True, but she was very good at manipulating."

I decided not to reply to that. Lydia finally stopped a few feet away from a dark looking door that had the most incredible amount of heat emitting from it. There was a small crack at the foot of the door, where a faint glow was coming out from. Lydia whispered, "She thought it was the perfect spot for it because she figured no one would think it weird that heat comes out of a boiler room."

"Okay, here's the plan. Does that door open in or out?"

"Outward."

"Great. I'm going to morph into something to take down the guard in there. I need you to open the door, but stay behind it so he doesn't see you. Can you handle that?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Good." I shoved the beam into her hands. Not expecting it, she fumbled a bit with it, until she got a better grip on it. "I need you to hold that for me. Do _not_ shoot it. I only have one shot with it and if it's wasted, I'll have to break the Kandrona on your head, got it?"

"No problem," she said, wearingly.

"If you see someone or something coming down the hall, just scream."

"I can do that."

"Good. I'm going to go mountain lion again."

"Um?"

I sighed angrily. It was that hesitant sound that got on my nerves more than anything else I've encountered thus far. "Yes?" I groaned.

"I was just going to ask if you could morph into something else instead."

"Why?"

"Have you, um, ever seen _Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey_? The two dogs were almost killed by a mountain lion."

I stared at her with disbelief. "Do you base _every_ life decision on movies?"

"Not all of them."

I rolled my eyes. "Would a black panther be acceptable?"

"Oh! Can you morph a _pink_ panther?"

Again, I looked at her disbelievingly. "There's no such thing as a pink panther."

"There is in the movies."

I sighed, just as my eyes turned into golden diamonds and my ears triangulated. Suddenly, the darkness of the hallway became bright as day with my feline eyes. Whiskers and a tail formed next, followed by black fur. I think I startled Lydia as my knees shifted and I fell on all fours right next to her. My incredible sense of smell noticed the human next to me, but it was not as indifferent as most humans smell. I asked, ((How long have you been wearing those clothes?))

She replied, "The Yeerk didn't have time to change them this morning."

((I thought she also had a Hork-Bajir host?))

"Here, yes. She preferred being human over Hork-Bajir."

((I never thought I'd hear that about a Yeerk. Well, you can open the door now. But stay behind it until I say otherwise.))

"Sure." She gingerly walked towards the door. My cat ears could hear a soft humming coming from the room, where the Kandrona was. I walked to the front of the door, and crouched on my hunches. I was going to jump right in there, as fast as I could, to surprise the guard and take him down quickly.

Lydia moved to the side a bit and grabbed the doorknob. She glanced down at me, waiting for me to be ready. I just gave her a very un-cat like nod, and she yanked the door open. As soon as I saw the room open up to me, I charged in. Like the mountain lion, I was relatively small, compared to other big cats. In fact, I weighed roughly the same as my lion morph, and was in almost the same family. However, I valued my cat morphs, not for their physical strength, but for their speed, endurance and grace. I believed that a good defence is a good offence, and even though I don't consider myself a coward, I believed that if the chips are down, the faster one can run away, the better the chances for survival.

Which is why, when I ran into the room and noticed that the Hork-Bajir seemed to have been expecting me, I was able to slide away from his wrist blade better than an animal larger than me could have. Unfortunately, it also meant that I would not be able to take him down in one swipe, like Rachel could have. I did, however, clamp my teeth down on his tail, and while he was screaming and whirring around to get me, I pounced on his back and bit his neck.

Landing on his back did not cause him to fall over. I only weighed about 200 pounds. The Hork-Bajir was probably heavier than that. Nevertheless, severing some of the more important nerves in his neck with my teeth caused him to pass out, and we both landed on the floor with a loud _WHUMP_.

I didn't think he'd ever wake up, and if he was unlucky enough to do so, he would not be able to move. That was not my problem, however. I began to demorph. I saw Lydia timidly walk into the room, carting along the Dracon beam, longer than her arm. She decided, smartly, not to watch me as I demorphed. It was never a pretty picture, as certain body parts come before they're needed, making me look like some Stephen King nightmare.

My tail disappeared into my body last. I held out my hand for the weapon and coughed loudly. Lydia snapped her head at attention and handed me the beam. I didn't have to look around for long before I knew where the Kandrona was: the heat, humming and soft light was all focused in one area, behind a bunch of boxes. I shoved them out of the way, noisily again, and saw the miniature sun.

A Kandrona's size and weight is completely dependant on the size and depth of the Yeerk Pool it's required to sustain. Since the Yeerk Pool that was supposed to be built around this thing was no doubt going to start out small, it was not surprising to see the Kandrona itself was small, as well; it was less than half my size.

It would have been beautiful, if it were not for the fact that it was meant to give life to a bunch of murderous parasites. I charged my weapon and aimed it at the centre of the object, where most of the heat and light were emanating from. I had never shot a Kandrona before, so what I was expecting was a loud, gigantic blast, but when I actually fired, all that happened was the Kandrona disintegrating into fine sand.

I discarded the now useless weapon to the floor, and kicked the sand for good measure. "Part A complete," I muttered. I started walking to the door, grabbing Lydia's wrist on the way and almost dragging her along. "Now we get out of here."

I let go of her only after she started keeping pace with me. Then she asked, "What's going to happen to me after we leave?"

I was hoping she wouldn't ask me that. "I don't know. I have to discuss it with my friends."

"Could I make a suggestion?"

I shrugged. "Sure."

"I have a brother in Minnesota. He told me that if I ever get tired of putting up with my drunken father, I could move in with him. There are, um, no Yeerks in Minnesota."

It sounded like a perfectly logical option. I could see Jake agreeing to that faster than any idea _I_ had in mind. Cassie would probably accept it, as well. Aximili might object at first, but if Jake said yes, he would, too. I said, "I would have to discuss it with my friends."

"I understand," she replied.

We started walking into a more brightly lit hallway. A few more turns and we'd be in the rink, where hopefully everyone would still be alive. I didn't know if Marco would agree to her moving to Minnesota. He probably wouldn't. In fact, he might try to convince Jake to let her join up. Something about that thought made me angry, so I decided to say what I was really thinking, "I was planning on killing you after this."

She swallowed. "Really?"

I nodded. "Suffocation."

"Oh, no. Could it be something faster than that?"

I blinked. Was she making a joke? "Like what?"

"Well, I don't want to see it coming. And I don't want to feel it. And I don't want it to be too messy."

I sighed. "You've pretty much ruled out every possible execution style, except blasting you with a Dracon beam at its highest setting."

"That would work, then."

"Do you know how bloody hard it is to get a hold of a Dracon beam?"

"Oh."

"Here we are." We stopped in front of another door, but instead of heat coming through it, I felt a cold draft. I was unaware that the rink was actually functional. I hoped that didn't cause too much trouble for the others to fight on. "Wait here for a moment," I whispered. "I need to make sure it's safe."

"Okay."

I gingerly opened the door. This one opened inward, instead of out. Lydia stood off to the side, so as not to be seen from the rink. When I walked in, I didn't hear any oncoming attack, but I didn't see everyone else, either. I could see, however, that half the ice on the rink was ripped apart, and the other half had so many scratches and groves that it looked as if a hundred skaters were overusing it. The rink itself was in the shape of a huge circle, with chest-high walls, and I could count at least three different sections where something rammed something else through the wall.

I looked up and saw a red-tailed hawk sitting on the rafters overhead. ((There you are,)) Tobias said to me. ((Everyone else is waiting outside. I stayed behind to make sure you got out okay.))

"What happened?" I asked.

((Cassie decided that sitting outside the arena while the three of you risked life and limb was not going to work, so she led us in here, where we encountered ten or so Hork-Bajir. By then it was too late to turn around.))

"Are you crazy? The four of you against ten Hork-Bajir?"

((It was six after Jake and Rachel joined in. At that point, seeing a grizzly bear coming onto the rink, half the Hork-Bajir tried to make a run for it, and it was pretty easy after that. Besides, Hork-Bajir don't fight very well on ice, so it was easy enough to begin with.))

I guess that explains the mangled rink. "Is everyone okay?"

((They are now,)) was all he would say about that. Even if Tobias claimed it was easy to fight ten Hork-Bajir on ice, I could tell that there was a lot of damage done, anyway. ((So did you destroy the Kandrona?))

"Yeah. It's gone."

((That's good; one less thing to worry about. We should get out of here before the police arrive, then. They'll probably be led by Controllers, but seeing the body of the sub-Visser will at least confirm that her mission was a failure.))

I raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

((The sub-Visser is dead, isn't she? Jake said you killed her.))

I almost burst out laughing. "Well I did, technically. She got pushed into a corner, literally, and decided to leave the host."

((Okay, two things: firstly, that has got to be the stupidest Yeerk I've ever heard of, and secondly, is the host here now?))

"Yeah."

((In that case, stay here for about five minutes, and then come outside.))

Everyone else was demorphed, I assumed. "Okay."

Tobias spread his wings and flew off of the rafters, towards the door on the other side of the rink that was most likely smashed by Rachel. I almost laughed again; if she couldn't destroy the whole building, she'd take down as much as she could.

"Can I, um, come in now?" Lydia muttered from behind me.

"Yeah. Come on."

She walked in and grimaced at the rink. "Wow, Yeerks and Andalites sure make a mess of things when they fight."

"No kidding. Let's go." I headed for the door, but very, very slowly. I think Lydia appreciated that, because she seemed relieved not to be marching across ice at top speed.

"Are you really going to kill me afterward?" Lydia asked.

I sighed. "No," I said, truthfully. "I killed the being responsible for my anger. You and I have no qualms. Besides, Marco told me never to make you cry again, and I'm pretty sure killing you would make you upset."

Lydia snickered. "Thank you, Sarah. I appreciate your forgiveness."

I grinned. "Tears and forgiveness. That's what friendship is all about."

She gave me a friendly pat on the shoulder, which almost made me slip…


End file.
